Mid-Month Mirth Memo, May 2016

"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast." -William Shakespeare Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser.   The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein          www.allenklein.com MAY 2016 INTERNET HUMOR OF THE MONTH: Twitter to lay off 8% of its workforce, reduces character limit to 128.8 -@MICHAELIANBLACK Apple has released 300 new emojis. Even ancient Egypitans were like, "Guys, you know you have words now, right?" -@ELIZABAYNE When breaking up with your first boyfriend/girlfriend, it helps to say, "You'll always be the answer to my online-banking security question. -DANNYRICKER QUOTATION OF THE MONTH: Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. -HARRY HILL FUNNY TRANSLATIONS OF THE MONTH: Names of American TV shows translated in foreign countries. MAD MEN = "People in Manhattan" (Serbia)  SIX FEET UNDER = "The Customer is Always Dead" (Russia) CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM = "Swim Quietly, Larry" (Sweden)        -NEW YORK POST UNABASHED PLUG OF THE MONTH: Check out samples of my books: http://www.allenklein.com/books.htm  follow on Twitter | friend on Facebook | forward to a friend  Copyright © 2016 Allen Klein, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you requested the MidMonth Mirth Memo either by email or in Allen Klein's presentation. Our mailing address is: Allen Klein World's Only "Jollytologist" San Francisco, CA 94117 Add us to your address book  unsubscribe from this list | update subscription preferences

"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast." -William Shakespeare Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser.   The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein          www.allenklein.com APRIL 2016 TAX DAY THOUGHTS OF THE MONTH: A billion here, a billion there—pretty soon it adds up to real money. -Everett Dirksen I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. -Jackie Mason Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop. -Anonymous WORD OF THE MONTH: (from the classroom) Q: Use the word congenial in a sentence. A: When you leave the gravy out too long, it congenials. -Richard Benson in F in Exams QUOTATION OF THE MONTH: Whenever you're having a bad day, think of the guy who has to put the circus tent back in its bag. -Manda Likewine   EXCITING NEWS OF THE MONTH: If you live in Northern California, come and hear my TEDx talk in person. Info & registration here: http://bit.ly/1Y9cuBJ http://bit.ly/1Y9cuBJ  http://bit.ly/1Y9cuBJ http://bit.ly/1Y9cuBJ http://bit.ly/1Y9cuBJ If you don't, I'll let you know when it will be on YouTube. and Speaking of YouTube, you can watch my reinvention story now: https://youtu.be/jkIMkWOJi2I  follow on Twitter | friend on Facebook | forward to a friend  Copyright © 2016 Allen Klein, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you requested the MidMonth Mirth Memo either by email or in Allen Klein's presentation. Our mailing address is: Allen Klein World's Only "Jollytologist" San Francisco, CA 94117 Add us to your address book  unsubscribe from this list | update subscription preferences

"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast." -William Shakespeare Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser.   The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein          www.allenklein.com JANUARY 2016 TELEMARKETER COMEBACKS OF THE MONTH: - Whatever they are selling, tell them your spouse/roommate sells it. - When they call from a lawn-care service, tell them you live in an apartment.  - When they call from a long-distance company, tell them you don't have a phone.   — Tom Mabe   SENIOR LAUGHS OF THE MONTH:                                              - Signs you’re getting too old to drive: - Your turn signal has been on since 2007. - It takes more than four minutes to get out of the car. - When backing into a parking spot, you just back up until you hear something. ONE-LINER OF THE MONTH: "A rotisserie is a morbid Ferris wheel for chickens.                                             — Mitch Hedberg BOOK OF THE MONTH: The perfect gift for Valentine's Day. WORDS OF LOVE: Quotations from the Heart http://www.allenklein.com/words-of-love.htm  follow on Twitter | friend on Facebook | forward to a friend  Copyright © 2016 Allen Klein, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you requested the MidMonth Mirth Memo either by email or in Allen Klein's presentation. Our mailing address is: Allen Klein World's Only "Jollytologist" San Francisco, CA 94117 Add us to your address book  unsubscribe from this list | update subscription preferences

Mid-Month Mirth Memo, December 2015

"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast." -William Shakespeare Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser.   The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein          www.allenklein.com DECEMBER 2015 NEWSPAPER ADS OF THE MONTH: Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale Free crust with every Pizza Stock up and save: Limit One   WORST HOLIDAY GIFT OF THE MONTH:                                              One year, my father gave Mom a DVD. It wasn't a bad gift. except, first, it was a rental and second, we didn't own a DVD player. -A. Hodges in Reader's Digest   QUOTE OF THE MONTH: "This mall Santa seems insulted that I put down that protective paper before sitting on his lap." -Conan O'Brien GIFT GUIDE OF THE MONTH: Any book, ebook or audio book by Allen Klein http://www.allenklein.com/books.htm  follow on Twitter | friend on Facebook | forward to a friend  Copyright © 2015 Allen Klein, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you requested the MidMonth Mirth Memo either by email or in Allen Klein's presentation. Our mailing address is: Allen Klein World's Only "Jollytologist" San Francisco, CA 94117 Add us to your address book  unsubscribe from this list | update subscription preferences

MidMonth Mirth Memo, November 2015

"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast." -William Shakespeare Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser.   The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein          www.allenklein.com NOVEMBER 2015 MATH OF THE MONTH: A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200. GRATITUDE STORY OF THE MONTH:                                                "A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all of their ailments. "My cataracts are so bad, I can't even see my coffee," said one lady. "Yes, I know," said another. "I forget where I am or where I'm going." "And my blood pressure pills make me dizzy!" exclaimed one woman. "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement. "Well, count your blessings," said a woman cheerfully. "Thank God we can all still drive."   QUOTE OF THE MONTH: "I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on, like, 100 pounds." -Wendy Liebman GIFT GUIDE OF THE MONTH: Give the gift that keeps on giving: books & audio books that bring more joy and happiness. The Healing Power of Humor  http://amzn.to/1Ydx2Kb Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying http://amzn.to/1MNk2ao You Can't Ruin My Day  http://amzn.to/1iKMrm8    follow on Twitter | friend on Facebook | forward to a friend  Copyright © 2015 Allen Klein, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you requested the MidMonth Mirth Memo either by email or in Allen Klein's presentation. Our mailing address is: Allen Klein World's Only "Jollytologist" San Francisco, CA 94117 Add us to your address book  unsubscribe from this list | update subscription preferences

Allen Klein's Mid-Month Mirth Memo, October 2015

"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast." -William Shakespeare Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser.   The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein          www.allenklein.com OCTOBER 2015 QUESTION OF THE MONTH: "Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?"                                                                                                         -George Carlin   GRATITUDE OF THE MONTH:                                                "Thank you, Pita bread, for being a great combination between wheat and envelopes."                                                                                                     -Jimmy Fallon   JOKE OF THE MONTH: A timid little man was seated in the window seat of an airplane next to a scowling brute of a guy The little man was terrified of flying, and as soon as the plane took off, he felt sick. But his seatmate was fast asleep, and he couldn't figure out how to get past him to the bathroom. And then it was too late; he got sick all over the big guy. As he frantically wiped up the mess, careful not to wake the giant, the brute's eyes flew open. The timid man smiled and said in a shaky voice, "Feeling better now?"                                                -Readers Digest, November 2015 AUDIO-BOOK OF THE MONTH: (to be released October 20th) "The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or a hostile universe." -Albert Einstein, as quoted in You Can't Ruin My Day: 52 Wake-Up Calls to Turn Any Situation Around http://amzn.to/1LwwNFs