Monthly Mirth Memo

The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein         
                                              www.allenklein.com

                                                 MARCH 2013
 
ONE-LINERS OF THE MONTH:
I got on the phone, my mom said, “Hi. Is everything wrong?
                                                                               -Richard Lewis 

Instead of saying “hello,” my mother gets on the phone and says,
“Guess who died?”
                                                                                -Dom Irrera

My mother could make anyone feel guilty—she used to get letters
of apology from people she didn't even know.
                                                                                -Joan Rivers
(Quotes from Mom's the Word: The Wit, Wisdom and Wonder of Motherhood) 

THOUGHTS OF THE MONTH:
Senior Texting Codes:
     * BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
     * LOL - Living on Lipitor
     * DWI - Driving While Incontinent

QUESTION OF THE MONTH:
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

SHAMELESS PROMOTION OF THE MONTH:
Know of someone who would like to receive the Mid-Month Mirth Memo?
They can opt-in at http://eepurl.com/t2y5T

CONFERENCE OF MONTH:
If it's laughter you're after, consider attending the annual conference sponsored by
The Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor, April 4 to 7, San Diego, CA.
www.aath.org/annual-conference
   

Mid-Month Mirth Memo, February 2013

Names of the Month:

The Week asked its readers to come up with the name of the first new TV channel with programming exclusively for dogs. Three responses were:

-So You Think You Can Bark

-Gimme Kibble Live

-Rex and the City

Questions of the Month:

-What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

-I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

-If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Thoughts of the Month:

-Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day,
 teach a person to use the Internet and
 they won't bother you for weeks.

         -Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers;
 What you do today, might burn your behind tomorrow.

       -Men have two emotions: hungry and horny.
 If you see him without an erection,
 make him a sandwich .

Shameless Promotion of the Month:

Know of someone who would also like to receive the Mid-Month Mirth Memo? Have them opt-in at http://eepurl.com/t2y5

Audio Book of the Month:

Just released audio version of Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying.

Listen to FREE sample at:

http://www.audible.com/pd/ref=sr_1_1?asin=B00B10AOVS&qid=1360872075&sr=1-1

My Funny Valentine

10 of the most amusing quotations about love from my recent book, Words of Love: Quotations from the Heart.

 

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia.

-Judith Viorst

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?

-Lily Tomlin

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.

-Woody Allen

Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.

-Fran Lebowitz

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

-Tim Allen

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

-Woody Allen

Teenagers don’t know what love is. They have mixed up ideas. They go for a drive, and the boy runs out of gas, and they smooch a little and the girl says she loves him. That isn’t love. Love is when you are married twenty-five years, smooching in your living room, and he runs out of gas and she says she still loves him. That’s love.

-Norm Crosby

A boy's love comes from a full heart; a man's is more often the result of a full stomach..

-Jerome K. Jerome

“Love, shmove,” Papa used to say, “I love blintzes; Did I marry one?”

-Sam Levenson

My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring, and to this day, she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside—Made in Taiwan!

-Leopold Fetchner

Available: Amazon.com, Kindle, and Audible.com

How One Quotation Saved Someone's Life

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When Og Mandino wrote, "I will love the light for it shows me the way. Yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars," he probably never realized that those words might save someone’s life.''
 

But it did. I know because of a letter that I received from a teenager who wrote, “I know there are hundreds of other inspiring quote books in the world, yet it was your particular book that helped to save my life years ago.”

 

“My dad passed away when I was eleven,” the teenager wrote. “I remember the birthday when he had handed me your book, and how I hadn’t been too thrilled to see what it was. But looking back now, I guess he had been the only one who had seen into me—seen how depressed I had truly been—and done something about it.”

“Upon opening the book and reading such touching words, I had been struck with an emotion so deep and powerful, I still don’t know of any words to describe it—I only know it was then that I had begun to find myself; I had glimpsed my first twinkle of starlight in a dark, cloudy, sky in the pages of this book. And with each quote I had read, a new star had shown bright.”'

 

After thanking me for writing the book and saying again “You saved my life. You really did!,” the teenager concludes, “And now I have a picture of my dad marking the page with the Og Mandino quote: ‘I will love the light for it shows me the way. Yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.’” 

 

P.S.- The quote comes from the book Change Your Life!: A Little Book of Big Ideas, published by Viva Editions, Berkeley, CA.

 

 

 

Jack (Chicken Soup for the Soul) Canfield Highly Recommends Change Your Life!: A Little Book of Big Ideas

For over forty-years, I have inspired, and helped people achieve their maximum potential. As a motivational speaker and best-selling author, I have provided my audiences and readers with powerful words and thoughts to help them transform their lives. I know that sometimes the simplest words can make a major difference in people perceive their world.
 
Change Your Life!: A Little Book of Big Ideas is like that. With a collection of simple yet profound ideas, this little volume of BIG ideas can change your life. It is written by Allen Klein, who is also a motivational speaker and best-selling author, He has artfully collected wise words from sages throughout the ages. Quotations that will make your heart sing, and, thoughts that will bring focus and perspective to your life.
 
One of the fun things you can do with this wonderful book is to open it to any page and read one of the quotations. Those words might just be what you need to hear that day.

Or, share this book with someone else. Someone who perhaps is celebrating a special occasion, like a graduation, birthday, anniversary, or, better yet, give them this book for no reason at all. Your random act of kindness will enrich their life and deepen yours through the simple act of giving.

In addition, you can search the table of contents to find encouraging thoughts on a subject with which you might be struggling, such as, taking the first step, overcoming obstacles, or gathering your courage.

How you make use of this book really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you use it. I know it will enrich your life and provide you with big ideas that can make a big difference in your life.


Jack Canfield,
Santa Barbara, CA

Mid-Month Mirth Memo, November 2012

FUNNY STORY OF THE MONTH:
The contest was simple: Which department in the hospital where I worked as a nurse
could create the best Christmas decorations?

While they didn't win first prize, the members of the proctology department did receive
high honors with their distinctive sign, "Christmas is a good time to look up old friends."
                                                                               —Pat Ingels, in Readers Digest, 12/12


ACTUAL BOOK TITLES OF THE MONTH:
—Cooking with Poo (Note: "Poo" is the Thai word for crab)
—Bomb-proof Your Horse
—Second International Workshop on Nude Mice


QUESTION OF THE MONTH:
If you were to open a Starbucks in the lobby of a funeral home, what would you call it?

Among others, readers of the Week replied:
—The Grim Roaster
—Time to Meet Your Mocha
—Latte for Your Own Funeral
—Cream-Mate
—Perkatory


MY 500 WORDS OF WISDOM OF THE MONTH:
Summarizes what I've learned so far in life:
http://www.inspiremetoday.com/archiveDisp.php?type=0&ref=1685