|
||||||||||||||||||
Friday, August 15, 2014
MidMonth Mirth Memo August 2014
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
MidMonth Mirth Memo July 2014
The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony.
It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker,
"Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein
www.allenklein.com
"Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein
www.allenklein.com
Subscribe here: http://eepurl.com/t2y5T
TYPO OF THE MONTH:
Using our new voice recognition system, a fellow doctor dictated, "For erectile dysfunction, Cialis." The system interpreted that as "For erectile dysfunction, see Alice"
—Tamara H. Stall, in Reader's Digest
QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH:
Asked by lawyers in court proceedings...
"Without saying anything, tell the jury what you did next."
"How many times have you committed suicide?"
"Now,doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning."
—from The Dumb Book
FACT OF THE MONTH:
Older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.
Using our new voice recognition system, a fellow doctor dictated, "For erectile dysfunction, Cialis." The system interpreted that as "For erectile dysfunction, see Alice"
—Tamara H. Stall, in Reader's Digest
QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH:
Asked by lawyers in court proceedings...
"Without saying anything, tell the jury what you did next."
"How many times have you committed suicide?"
"Now,doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning."
—from The Dumb Book
FACT OF THE MONTH:
Older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.
ARTICLE OF THE MONTH:
"Missiles, Marriage and Mirth" Humor in the Israel military conflict.
http://www.examiner.com/article/missiles-marriage-and-mirth-being-israel-during-the-military-conflict
Saturday, March 15, 2014
MidMonth Mirth Memo, March 2014
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
I was giving a patient a Rorschach Inkblot Test. Looking at the first card, he replied, "I see a naked woman." When I showed him the second card, he said the same thing. On card number three, he said, "Looks like two naked women."
I remarked that he seemed quite interested in naked women and asked him to tell me more.
"Don't ask me, Doc," he replied. "You're the one showing all the dirty pictures!"
SIGN OF THE MONTH:
On front door of business-
PUSH: If that doesn't work...
PULL: If that doesn't work..
WE MUST BE CLOSED.
QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
During the Iraq war, General Colin Powell was asked, "How stressful is it to oversee a war?" He replied, "I'm sleeping like a baby. Every two hours, I wake up, screaming."
...........................................................................................................................................................
Know someone who would like the MidMonth Mirth Memo? They can sign up here: http://eepurl.com/t2y5T
...........................................................................................................................................................
GREAT IDEA OF THE MONTH:
Want to learn about humor and laughter?
Want more of it in your life?
Want to mingle with the gurus of therapeutic humor?
Then don't miss the Association for the Applied and Therapeutic Humor conference, April 3rd to 6th, at the Red Skelton Museum of American Humor. More info: http://www.aath.org
I was giving a patient a Rorschach Inkblot Test. Looking at the first card, he replied, "I see a naked woman." When I showed him the second card, he said the same thing. On card number three, he said, "Looks like two naked women."
I remarked that he seemed quite interested in naked women and asked him to tell me more.
"Don't ask me, Doc," he replied. "You're the one showing all the dirty pictures!"
SIGN OF THE MONTH:
On front door of business-
PUSH: If that doesn't work...
PULL: If that doesn't work..
WE MUST BE CLOSED.
QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
During the Iraq war, General Colin Powell was asked, "How stressful is it to oversee a war?" He replied, "I'm sleeping like a baby. Every two hours, I wake up, screaming."
...........................................................................................................................................................
Know someone who would like the MidMonth Mirth Memo? They can sign up here: http://eepurl.com/t2y5T
...........................................................................................................................................................
GREAT IDEA OF THE MONTH:
Want to learn about humor and laughter?
Want more of it in your life?
Want to mingle with the gurus of therapeutic humor?
Then don't miss the Association for the Applied and Therapeutic Humor conference, April 3rd to 6th, at the Red Skelton Museum of American Humor. More info: http://www.aath.org
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
MidMonth Mirth Memo, January 2014
QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
- Emo Philips
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
The reason baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs" and "Huggies",
while undergarments for old people are called "Depends": When babies poop
in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em and Hug'em. When old people
poop in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will.
PRAYER OF THE MONTH:
God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good
fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. - Anonymous
SHAMELESS PROMOTION OF THE MONTH:
Wanna add more laughter to your life this year?
The Laughter DVD has 15-minutesof people laughing.
And it's contagious!
http://www.allenklein.com/laughtervideo.html
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
- Emo Philips
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
The reason baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs" and "Huggies",
while undergarments for old people are called "Depends": When babies poop
in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em and Hug'em. When old people
poop in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will.
PRAYER OF THE MONTH:
God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good
fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. - Anonymous
SHAMELESS PROMOTION OF THE MONTH:
Wanna add more laughter to your life this year?
The Laughter DVD has 15-minutesof people laughing.
And it's contagious!
http://www.allenklein.com/laughtervideo.html
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Pratfalls from the Platform
When I was
seven-years-old, my parents took me to see my first Broadway show, “Oklahoma.”
Every since that time, I have been in love with live theater. I think the
reason for that is that, for me, live theater is more exciting than the movies
because anything can happen.
Giving a speech is no
different. Anything can happen, and it often does. As W. Mitchell, CSP, CPAE,
says, “it’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do about it.” And, to add to
those wise words, if what you do about it is to add some humor to those platform
mishaps and mistakes then you are way ahead of the game. It’s something I wish
I had known when I first started speaking.
I was hired to do a
post-dinner presentation for surgeons and their spouses. After signing the
contract, I found out that it was going to be a formal event. Since I had
no tuxedo at the time, I went to Costco and bought one for $99. I lucked
out because it was the week prior to New Year's Eve. I didn't do so well,
however, during the speech.
The tux, made
in Yugoslavia, had some weird side buckles that I apparently didn't
fasten too well. During the program, one buckle came undone. Then the
other side did too. I leaned to one side and caught the falling pants with my
elbow. And that is the way I remained during the rest of the talk…one hand
holding the microphone and the other arm holding up my pants.
I was too new in the speaking
business to realize that I could have openly shared what was happening with the
audience, instead of trying to hide it. Had I revealed my dilemma, I probably
would have gotten a chance to buckle up again and maybe even a great big laugh.
Another time, just as I
was getting to the punch line of a story during a luncheon speech, the fire
alarm went off. The audience sat there thinking it was part of a joke. But it
wasn’t. I didn’t smell smoke but I knew that it was my responsibility to take
charge and get the audience out of the ballroom just in case there was a fire.
When we returned, after
learning that someone had accidently set the alarm off, I continued my talk
about therapeutic humor. My opening line was “I guess humor is really a hot
topic.”
Perhaps one of the
funniest comebacks and a great example of “going with the flow” no matter what
happens on stage, was told to me by friend and colleague, Karyn Buxman, CSP,
CPAE.
One day she was giving a
presentation in an unusually dark ballroom. The walls were black, the carpeting
was black, the stage curtain behind her was black.
At one point in her
talk, she stepped forward, missed the edge of the stage, and found herself flat
on the floor. Although she was a little startled, she realized that she wasn’t
hurt, just embarrassed. She also realized that the microphone had fallen right
nearby. So, still lying on the ground, she picked it up and announced to the
audience, “And now I will take questions from the floor.”
Monday, December 16, 2013
MidMonth Mirth Memo, December 2013
DECEMBER 2013
QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
-Victor Borge
QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH:
Where does a snowman keep his money? In a snow bank.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Ice Krispies.
EXERCISE TIP OF THE MONTH:
Instead of "John", I call my bathroom "Jim".
That way it sounds better when I say "I go to the Jim first thing every morning."
DEAL OF THE MONTH:
Only during December, you can change your life for only a buck ninety-nine.
Change Your Life: A Little Book of Big Ideas (Kindle version)
http://tinyurl.com/km6u8bj
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
You Can't Ruin My Day
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my life is that I
can rise above any situation; that I don’t have to let my circumstances
rob me of my joyous spirit; that I can take back my power and not let
any person or thing ruin my day, or, for that matter, my life.
Looking back, I realize that I learned that lesson at an early age. When I was seven-years-old, my parents took me to see both Broadway musicals, Carousel and Oklahoma. From that day on I wanted to be the person who created “the pretty stage pictures.” I wanted to be a scenic designer.
We arrived late for one of the shows and missed the beginning. So when the show was over, I refused to leave. I thought that, like a movie, I could see the beginning again. That day I was dragged out of the theater kicking and screaming, but my heart never left the theater.
In grade school, I took shoeboxes and made a scene from the book that we were reading in class. Other students wrote book reports; I did dioramas. In high school, I saw almost every Broadway show, including the opening night of Hello Dolly. In college, I designed many of the school productions and, with the help of one of the professors, got into Yale Drama School.
It was a three-year master’s degree program. They admitted twelve students the first year. Then, because they only produced eight plays in their smaller theater the second year, they let go of four designers. I was one of the first to go. I was told I had no talent.
Of course, I was heartbroken. But, even then, I realized that nobody could tell me I couldn’t do something if I truly believed I could. After all, I was a “scenic designer” since the sixth grade. I was a designer, at least in my mind, since I saw my first Broadway show. Nobody could tell me I wasn’t a designer. Nobody could ruin my day. Nobody could ruin my career. Nobody could ruin my life.
Soon after being booted from Yale, I became an apprentice in the scenic design union in New York City and finally became a full-fledged designer at CBS – television. My fellow classmates at Yale were still designing school productions while I was designing national television shows such as Captain Kangaroo, The Merv Griffin Show, and The Jackie Gleason Show.
Who said I had no talent? Who said I would never be a scenic designer? Nobody was going to ruin my day or my dream. Not even the head of the Yale School of Drama scenic design department.
More recently, that lesson was presented to me again, when I got a speeding ticket. In spite of that, I continued to be joyous that day and continued to repeat my mantra whenever not-so-wonderful stuff happens to me: “No one, or nothing, can ruin my day.”
Looking back, I realize that I learned that lesson at an early age. When I was seven-years-old, my parents took me to see both Broadway musicals, Carousel and Oklahoma. From that day on I wanted to be the person who created “the pretty stage pictures.” I wanted to be a scenic designer.
We arrived late for one of the shows and missed the beginning. So when the show was over, I refused to leave. I thought that, like a movie, I could see the beginning again. That day I was dragged out of the theater kicking and screaming, but my heart never left the theater.
In grade school, I took shoeboxes and made a scene from the book that we were reading in class. Other students wrote book reports; I did dioramas. In high school, I saw almost every Broadway show, including the opening night of Hello Dolly. In college, I designed many of the school productions and, with the help of one of the professors, got into Yale Drama School.
It was a three-year master’s degree program. They admitted twelve students the first year. Then, because they only produced eight plays in their smaller theater the second year, they let go of four designers. I was one of the first to go. I was told I had no talent.
Of course, I was heartbroken. But, even then, I realized that nobody could tell me I couldn’t do something if I truly believed I could. After all, I was a “scenic designer” since the sixth grade. I was a designer, at least in my mind, since I saw my first Broadway show. Nobody could tell me I wasn’t a designer. Nobody could ruin my day. Nobody could ruin my career. Nobody could ruin my life.
Soon after being booted from Yale, I became an apprentice in the scenic design union in New York City and finally became a full-fledged designer at CBS – television. My fellow classmates at Yale were still designing school productions while I was designing national television shows such as Captain Kangaroo, The Merv Griffin Show, and The Jackie Gleason Show.
Who said I had no talent? Who said I would never be a scenic designer? Nobody was going to ruin my day or my dream. Not even the head of the Yale School of Drama scenic design department.
More recently, that lesson was presented to me again, when I got a speeding ticket. In spite of that, I continued to be joyous that day and continued to repeat my mantra whenever not-so-wonderful stuff happens to me: “No one, or nothing, can ruin my day.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)