LAUGH OF THE MONTH:
The man sitting next to me on a recent flight was terrified of planes; he couldn’t stop shaking.
So I suggested he get a Scotch from the flight attendant, which he did, drinking it down
in one gulp.
“Can I get another one?” he asked me. I pointed out the button above his head and told
him to press it if he wanted another drink.
He promptly stood up, pushed the button, and held his glass underneath it.
-Robert Nurton, in Reader's Digest, October 2012
COSMIC LAWS OF THE MONTH:
Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
The Coffee Law:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, someone will ask you to do something which will
last until the coffee is cold.
Law of Gravity:
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.
VIDEO OF THE MONTH:
Laughter and the loss of a spouse on Open to Hope TV show.
http://tinyurl.com/8ovzlfx
Monday, October 15, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
Three Ways to Get What You Want
Many moons ago, I lived in New York City and worked as a scenic
designer for CBS television. One of the shows I designed was Captain
Kangaroo. It was great fun except at Thanksgiving time. You see the
Captain was the MC for Macy's Thanksgiving Parade so I had to be in the
studio every Thanksgiving at 6am in the morning to supervise the set I
designed. While most people were at home sleeping in on the holiday, I
would be off to work at 5am.
I no longer work in television and now live on the West coast but I still am enamored with Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and watch it every year on TV. Last year, while watching, I got a longing to be part of the parade again. Instead of being behind the scenes, as I used to be, I wanted to be in the parade itself. I had no idea how I'd make that happen but I somehow knew it would because once I put my intention on something, it usually comes true. One of the reasons for that is that I believe that we are six-degrees of separation away from someone who can help get whatever it is that we want.
For several months I asked everyone I met if they knew anyone connected to the parade. Two people did and were going to work on it. But they weren't getting very far. So, one day I posted my desire on Facebook. Pretty soon after that a friend/colleague of mine, who lives in New York, said she would investigate who to contact at Macy's.
Several days later, she emailed me to say that it was too late to get in the parade but they were sending me an application anyhow. They did. I filled it out. And two days later, they said that if I want, I could march in the parade this year as a clown.
Of course, I was thrilled but I also found out that I might have to go to clown school which was not convenient since I'm on the West coast and the classes were on the East coast. In addition, I am not a professional clown, although I do teach humor workshops and once gathered a group of friends to all wear clown noses to a Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey circus performance. But my biggest concern was that I really wanted to ride on a float in the parade not walk the long distance. I could do it but that was not the experience I wanted. (I guess I had forgotten the lesson I learned a long time ago that you really have to be clear on what you want or you may get something else.)
So I contacted Macy's to thank them so much for inviting me to be in the parade this year but that I really wanted to ride on a float. The person in charge was most gracious and told me when to contact them next year and he could probably arrange my ride on a float.
I'll let you know what float I'll be on so you can wave to me. I promise to wave back.
P.S.- Doing this process made me realize three important steps in getting whatever it is you want.
1- INTENTION: Be very clear about what you want.
2- TELL THE WORLD ABOUT IT: Don't keep it a secret. How will others know what you want if you don't tell them about it ?
3- RALLY THE TROOPS: People love helping other people. Remember you are only six degrees of separation away from someone who can assist you in getting what you want.
Oh, and one more thing...remember to be thankful for what you get.
I no longer work in television and now live on the West coast but I still am enamored with Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and watch it every year on TV. Last year, while watching, I got a longing to be part of the parade again. Instead of being behind the scenes, as I used to be, I wanted to be in the parade itself. I had no idea how I'd make that happen but I somehow knew it would because once I put my intention on something, it usually comes true. One of the reasons for that is that I believe that we are six-degrees of separation away from someone who can help get whatever it is that we want.
For several months I asked everyone I met if they knew anyone connected to the parade. Two people did and were going to work on it. But they weren't getting very far. So, one day I posted my desire on Facebook. Pretty soon after that a friend/colleague of mine, who lives in New York, said she would investigate who to contact at Macy's.
Several days later, she emailed me to say that it was too late to get in the parade but they were sending me an application anyhow. They did. I filled it out. And two days later, they said that if I want, I could march in the parade this year as a clown.
Of course, I was thrilled but I also found out that I might have to go to clown school which was not convenient since I'm on the West coast and the classes were on the East coast. In addition, I am not a professional clown, although I do teach humor workshops and once gathered a group of friends to all wear clown noses to a Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey circus performance. But my biggest concern was that I really wanted to ride on a float in the parade not walk the long distance. I could do it but that was not the experience I wanted. (I guess I had forgotten the lesson I learned a long time ago that you really have to be clear on what you want or you may get something else.)
So I contacted Macy's to thank them so much for inviting me to be in the parade this year but that I really wanted to ride on a float. The person in charge was most gracious and told me when to contact them next year and he could probably arrange my ride on a float.
I'll let you know what float I'll be on so you can wave to me. I promise to wave back.
P.S.- Doing this process made me realize three important steps in getting whatever it is you want.
1- INTENTION: Be very clear about what you want.
2- TELL THE WORLD ABOUT IT: Don't keep it a secret. How will others know what you want if you don't tell them about it ?
3- RALLY THE TROOPS: People love helping other people. Remember you are only six degrees of separation away from someone who can assist you in getting what you want.
Oh, and one more thing...remember to be thankful for what you get.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Mid-Month Mirth Memo- September, 2012
FUNNY STORY OF THE MONTH:
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this."
—Anonymous
ONE-LINERS OF THE MONTH:
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
MIRTHFUL QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
I knew I was going bald because it was taking longer and longer t wash my face.
—Harry Hill
SHAMELESS PROMOTION OF THE MONTH:
Did you know that I'm now a Health & Happiness writer for Examiner.com?
If you want more happiness in your life subscribe to my postings at:
http://www.examiner.com/health-and-happiness-1-in-san-francisco/allen-klein
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this."
—Anonymous
ONE-LINERS OF THE MONTH:
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
MIRTHFUL QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
I knew I was going bald because it was taking longer and longer t wash my face.
—Harry Hill
SHAMELESS PROMOTION OF THE MONTH:
Did you know that I'm now a Health & Happiness writer for Examiner.com?
If you want more happiness in your life subscribe to my postings at:
http://www.examiner.com/health-and-happiness-1-in-san-francisco/allen-klein
Sunday, July 15, 2012
MidMonth Mirth Memo - July 15, 2012
The MidMonth Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony.
It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein
www.allenklein.com
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich,
pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager
shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for
your sandwich!"
"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!"
The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwelling mammal of Asian origin,
characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
ANECDOTE OF THE MONTH:
As my friend, an anesthesiologist at a hospital, passed by an operating room,
she noticed it was being set up for a breast augmentation procedure. So she
popped her head inside.
"What's going on?" she asked a nurse.
The nurse's reply:
They're making a mountain out of a molehill."
—Yo Klein (no relation), Reader's Digest
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
—Robin Williams
SHAMELESS PROMOTION OF THE MONTH:
Loss hurts...but it is also one of our greatest teachers. Find out more in:
Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying: Embracing Life After Loss
(Goodman Beck Publishing, 2011. Foreword by Rabbi Earl A. Grollman)
Available at: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or
http://www.allenklein.com/Learn_laugh.htm (Quantity discounts available)
It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein
www.allenklein.com
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich,
pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager
shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for
your sandwich!"
"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!"
The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwelling mammal of Asian origin,
characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
ANECDOTE OF THE MONTH:
As my friend, an anesthesiologist at a hospital, passed by an operating room,
she noticed it was being set up for a breast augmentation procedure. So she
popped her head inside.
"What's going on?" she asked a nurse.
The nurse's reply:
They're making a mountain out of a molehill."
—Yo Klein (no relation), Reader's Digest
QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
—Robin Williams
SHAMELESS PROMOTION OF THE MONTH:
Loss hurts...but it is also one of our greatest teachers. Find out more in:
Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying: Embracing Life After Loss
(Goodman Beck Publishing, 2011. Foreword by Rabbi Earl A. Grollman)
Available at: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or
http://www.allenklein.com/Learn_laugh.htm (Quantity discounts available)
Friday, June 15, 2012
MidMonth Mirth Memo - June 2012
JOKE OF THE MONTH:
"I bought SPF 75 sunscreen. I squeezed the tube, and out came a wool sweater."
-Mike Wiley
FUNNY NEWS OF THE MONTH:
A bar called Drummond's (in Mt Vernon, Texas) began construction on
an expansion of their building, hoping to "grow" their business. In response,
the local Southern Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from
expanding.
About a week before the bar's grand re-opening, a bolt of lightning struck
the bar and burned it to the ground!
Afterward, the church folks were rather smug - bragging about "the power of prayer".
The angry bar owner eventually sued the church on grounds that the church...
"Was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, through direct
actions or indirect means." Of course, the church vehemently denied all responsibility
or any connection to the building's demise.
The judge read carefully through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply.
He then opened the hearing by saying:
"I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that
what we have here is a bar owner who now believes in the power of prayer, and an
entire church congregation that does not."
QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
"People always ask me how long it takes to do my hair. I don't know. I'm never there."
-Dolly Parton
SHAMELESS PROMOTION OF THE MONTH:
Be the first on your block to get my latest book to be published this Fall.
The Art of Living Joyfully can be pre-ordered now at: http://tinyurl.com/7s5osxz
"I bought SPF 75 sunscreen. I squeezed the tube, and out came a wool sweater."
-Mike Wiley
FUNNY NEWS OF THE MONTH:
A bar called Drummond's (in Mt Vernon, Texas) began construction on
an expansion of their building, hoping to "grow" their business. In response,
the local Southern Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from
expanding.
About a week before the bar's grand re-opening, a bolt of lightning struck
the bar and burned it to the ground!
Afterward, the church folks were rather smug - bragging about "the power of prayer".
The angry bar owner eventually sued the church on grounds that the church...
"Was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, through direct
actions or indirect means." Of course, the church vehemently denied all responsibility
or any connection to the building's demise.
The judge read carefully through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply.
He then opened the hearing by saying:
"I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that
what we have here is a bar owner who now believes in the power of prayer, and an
entire church congregation that does not."
QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
"People always ask me how long it takes to do my hair. I don't know. I'm never there."
-Dolly Parton
SHAMELESS PROMOTION OF THE MONTH:
Be the first on your block to get my latest book to be published this Fall.
The Art of Living Joyfully can be pre-ordered now at: http://tinyurl.com/7s5osxz
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
MidMonth Mirth Memo - May 2012
NEWS OF THE MONTH:
Spirit airlines recently announced that it will charge $100 to put a carry-on bag in the overhead bin.
What next you ask? Well here is what readers of Week magazine thought might be a couple of future
surcharges:
*$9 fee for bumping your head on the overhead bin as you take your seat; $3 additional penalty for
looking up at the bin after you bump into it.
*In the unlikely event of loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down. To start the flow of oxygen, simply insert your credit card…
BOOK TITLES OF THE MONTH:
Not sure how good a read these are but here are some actual amusing book titles:
Cooking with Pooh
If God Loves Me, Why Can't I Get My Locker Open?
I'm Changing the Locks & Cementing the Windows: How to Keep the Kids from Coming Back
LAUGHS OF THE MONTH:
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
Spirit airlines recently announced that it will charge $100 to put a carry-on bag in the overhead bin.
What next you ask? Well here is what readers of Week magazine thought might be a couple of future
surcharges:
*$9 fee for bumping your head on the overhead bin as you take your seat; $3 additional penalty for
looking up at the bin after you bump into it.
*In the unlikely event of loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down. To start the flow of oxygen, simply insert your credit card…
BOOK TITLES OF THE MONTH:
Not sure how good a read these are but here are some actual amusing book titles:
Cooking with Pooh
If God Loves Me, Why Can't I Get My Locker Open?
I'm Changing the Locks & Cementing the Windows: How to Keep the Kids from Coming Back
LAUGHS OF THE MONTH:
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Mid-Month Mirth Memo- April 2012
JOKES OF THE MONTH (for tax day, of course):
Did you hear about the cannibal tax accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.
*****
If a tax man and a lawyer were both drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch
or read the paper?
*****
A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off a
truck in front of him.
Seconds later a policeman pulls him over for reckless driving. As the policeman starts to write the
ticket he notices the box was full of nails and tacks.
"I had to swerve or I'd have run over those and blown all my tires!" protests the driver.
"OK", replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."
"What for?!" asked the man.
"Tacks evasion", answered the policeman.
QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
"Kindle is like phone sex. It's OK when you're out of town but it's not the real thing."
-Jeanette Winterson
AUDIO-BOOK OF THE MONTH:
April is National Humor Month. Celebrate with it with TEACHER-LAUGHS audio-book.
Free sample listen at: http:tinyurl.com/7spdopo (click under cover artwork)
Did you hear about the cannibal tax accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.
*****
If a tax man and a lawyer were both drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch
or read the paper?
*****
A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off a
truck in front of him.
Seconds later a policeman pulls him over for reckless driving. As the policeman starts to write the
ticket he notices the box was full of nails and tacks.
"I had to swerve or I'd have run over those and blown all my tires!" protests the driver.
"OK", replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."
"What for?!" asked the man.
"Tacks evasion", answered the policeman.
QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
"Kindle is like phone sex. It's OK when you're out of town but it's not the real thing."
-Jeanette Winterson
AUDIO-BOOK OF THE MONTH:
April is National Humor Month. Celebrate with it with TEACHER-LAUGHS audio-book.
Free sample listen at: http:tinyurl.com/7spdopo (click under cover artwork)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)