MidMonth Mirth Memo August 2014

"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast." -William Shakespeare Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser. The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein        www.allenklein.com AUGUST 2014 BUMPER STICKER OF THE MONTH: "I brake for no apparent reason." QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH: -Why do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front? -Why is the man who invests your money called a broker? -Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called a "rush hour"?                                   JOKE OF THE MONTH:  While traveling through Texas, a tourist asks a cattleman the name of his ranch. "It's the Bar 8, Double Z, Rocking R, Flying G," the rancher says. "Do you have a lot of cattle?" "Nope," he says. "Not many survive the branding." *** AUDIOBOOK OF THE MONTH: Kids heading back to school? Don't leave home without TeacherLaughs: Quips, Quotes, and Anecdotes about the Classroom. Over 2 hours of laughs. FREE sample or get it FREE with a 30-day trail membership at:  http://tinyurl.com/ol2vfpk    follow on Twitter | friend on Facebook | forward to a friend  Copyright © 2014 Allen Klein, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you requested the MidMonth Mirth Memo either by email or in Allen Klein's presentation. Our mailing address is: Allen Klein World's Only "Jollytologist" San Francisco, CA 94117 Add us to your address book  unsubscribe from this list | update subscription preferences

MidMonth Mirth Memo July 2014

 The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. 

It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker,
"Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein
www.allenklein.com

Subscribe here: http://eepurl.com/t2y5T

TYPO OF THE MONTH:
Using our new voice recognition system, a fellow doctor dictated, "For erectile dysfunction, Cialis." The system interpreted that as "For erectile dysfunction, see Alice"
—Tamara H. Stall, in Reader's Digest
                                         
QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH:
Asked by lawyers in court proceedings...
"Without saying anything, tell the jury what you did next."
"How many times have you committed suicide?"
"Now,doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning."
—from The Dumb Book

FACT OF THE MONTH:
Older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for.  It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.              

                                                                             ***

ARTICLE OF THE MONTH:
"Missiles, Marriage and Mirth"  Humor in the Israel military conflict. 
 http://www.examiner.com/article/missiles-marriage-and-mirth-being-israel-during-the-military-conflict

MidMonth Mirth Memo, March 2014

JOKE OF THE MONTH:                                                     
I was giving a patient a Rorschach Inkblot Test. Looking at the first card, he replied, "I see a naked woman." When I showed him the second card, he said the same thing. On card number three, he said, "Looks like two naked women."
                                                                            
I remarked that he seemed quite interested in naked women and asked him to tell me more.                                                                                          
                                                                                                
"Don't ask me, Doc," he replied. "You're the one showing all the dirty pictures!" 


SIGN OF THE MONTH:
On front door of business-
PUSH: If that doesn't work...
PULL: If that doesn't work..
WE MUST BE CLOSED.


QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
During the Iraq war, General Colin Powell was asked, "How stressful is it to oversee a war?" He replied, "I'm sleeping like a baby. Every two hours, I wake up, screaming."  

 ........................................................................................................................................................... 

Know someone who would like the MidMonth Mirth Memo?  They can sign up here: http://eepurl.com/t2y5T
...........................................................................................................................................................

GREAT IDEA OF THE MONTH:
Want to learn about humor and laughter?
Want more of it in your life?
Want to mingle with the gurus of therapeutic humor?
Then don't miss the Association for the Applied and Therapeutic Humor conference, April 3rd to 6th, at the Red Skelton Museum of American Humor. More info: http://www.aath.org

MidMonth Mirth Memo, January 2014

QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
                                                                                                     - Emo Philips



JOKE OF THE MONTH: 

The reason baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs" and "Huggies",

while undergarments for old people are called "Depends":
 When babies poop 
in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em and Hug'em.
 When old people 
poop in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will.

 

PRAYER OF THE MONTH:

God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
 the good 
fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight
to tell the difference. 
                                                                                                   - Anonymous


SHAMELESS PROMOTION OF THE MONTH:

Wanna add more laughter to your life this year?

The Laughter DVD has 15-minutesof people laughing. 
And it's contagious!

http://www.allenklein.com/laughtervideo.html

Pratfalls from the Platform

When I was seven-years-old, my parents took me to see my first Broadway show, “Oklahoma.” Every since that time, I have been in love with live theater. I think the reason for that is that, for me, live theater is more exciting than the movies because anything can happen.

Giving a speech is no different. Anything can happen, and it often does. As W. Mitchell, CSP, CPAE, says, “it’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do about it.” And, to add to those wise words, if what you do about it is to add some humor to those platform mishaps and mistakes then you are way ahead of the game. It’s something I wish I had known when I first started speaking.

I was hired to do a post-dinner presentation for surgeons and their spouses. After signing the contract, I found out that it was going to be a formal event. Since I had no tuxedo at the time, I went to Costco and bought one for $99. I lucked out because it was the week prior to New Year's Eve. I didn't do so well, however, during the speech.

The tux, made in Yugoslavia, had some weird side buckles that I apparently didn't fasten too well. During the program, one buckle came undone. Then the other side did too. I leaned to one side and caught the falling pants with my elbow. And that is the way I remained during the rest of the talk…one hand holding the microphone and the other arm holding up my pants. 

I was too new in the speaking business to realize that I could have openly shared what was happening with the audience, instead of trying to hide it. Had I revealed my dilemma, I probably would have gotten a chance to buckle up again and maybe even a great big laugh.

Another time, just as I was getting to the punch line of a story during a luncheon speech, the fire alarm went off. The audience sat there thinking it was part of a joke. But it wasn’t. I didn’t smell smoke but I knew that it was my responsibility to take charge and get the audience out of the ballroom just in case there was a fire.

When we returned, after learning that someone had accidently set the alarm off, I continued my talk about therapeutic humor. My opening line was “I guess humor is really a hot topic.”

Perhaps one of the funniest comebacks and a great example of “going with the flow” no matter what happens on stage, was told to me by friend and colleague, Karyn Buxman, CSP, CPAE.

One day she was giving a presentation in an unusually dark ballroom. The walls were black, the carpeting was black, the stage curtain behind her was black.

        

At one point in her talk, she stepped forward, missed the edge of the stage, and found herself flat on the floor. Although she was a little startled, she realized that she wasn’t hurt, just embarrassed. She also realized that the microphone had fallen right nearby. So, still lying on the ground, she picked it up and announced to the audience, “And now I will take questions from the floor.”

http://www.allenklein.com/speaker.htm#5%20Reasons%20to%20Hire%20a%20Jollytologist%C2%AE%20for%20your%20next%20meeting...