Allen Klein's Mid-Month Mirth Memo, October 2015

"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast." -William Shakespeare Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser.   The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein          www.allenklein.com OCTOBER 2015 QUESTION OF THE MONTH: "Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?"                                                                                                         -George Carlin   GRATITUDE OF THE MONTH:                                                "Thank you, Pita bread, for being a great combination between wheat and envelopes."                                                                                                     -Jimmy Fallon   JOKE OF THE MONTH: A timid little man was seated in the window seat of an airplane next to a scowling brute of a guy The little man was terrified of flying, and as soon as the plane took off, he felt sick. But his seatmate was fast asleep, and he couldn't figure out how to get past him to the bathroom. And then it was too late; he got sick all over the big guy. As he frantically wiped up the mess, careful not to wake the giant, the brute's eyes flew open. The timid man smiled and said in a shaky voice, "Feeling better now?"                                                -Readers Digest, November 2015 AUDIO-BOOK OF THE MONTH: (to be released October 20th) "The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or a hostile universe." -Albert Einstein, as quoted in You Can't Ruin My Day: 52 Wake-Up Calls to Turn Any Situation Around http://amzn.to/1LwwNFs

Mid-Month Mirth Memo, September 2015

"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast." -William Shakespeare Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser.   The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein          www.allenklein.com SEPTEMBER 2015 T-SHIRT SAYING OF THE MONTH:                                                "If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees." JOKE OF THE MONTH: Peter always worried about everything all his life. But one day his coworkers noticed he seemed like a changed man. They remarked that he didn’t seem to be the least bit worried about anything. Peter said he’d hired a professional worrier and no longer had any problems. “A professional worrier?" they said. "What does that cost?” “Two grand a week.” "Two grand a week! How on earth are you going to pay him?" "I don’t know. Let him worry about it."  QUESTION OF THE MONTH: Q: "What do you call a fake noodle?" A: "An impasta."   ARTICLE OF THE MONTH: "Change Your Story" (excerpted from You Can't Ruin My Day) http://omtimes.com/2015/07/change-your-story/  follow on Twitter | friend on Facebook | forward to a friend  Copyright © 2015 Allen Klein, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you requested the MidMonth Mirth Memo either by email or in Allen Klein's presentation. Our mailing address is: Allen Klein World's Only "Jollytologist" San Francisco, CA 94117 Add us to your address book  unsubscribe from this list | update subscription preferences

Mid-Month Mirth Memo, August 2015

"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast." -William Shakespeare Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser. The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein          www.allenklein.com AUGUST 2015 QUESTION OF THE MONTH: Q: Why did the chicken go to the séance? A: To get to the other side. GRATITUDE STORY OF THE MONTH: A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all of their ailments. “My cataracts are so bad, I can’t even see my coffee,” said one lady. “Yes, I know,” said another. “I forget where I am or where I’m going.” “And my blood pressure pills make me dizzy!” exclaimed one woman. “I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old,” winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement. “Well, count your blessings,” said a woman cheerfully. “Thank God we can all still drive.”           QUOTATION OF THE MONTH: "Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, pee on it and walk away." -Anonymous VIDEO OF THE MONTH:                                                              Bay Sunday TV interview (make sure you check out the jacket.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fPP82peRTk  follow on Twitter | friend on Facebook | forward to a friend  Copyright © 2015 Allen Klein, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you requested the MidMonth Mirth Memo either by email or in Allen Klein's presentation. Our mailing address is: Allen Klein World's Only "Jollytologist" San Francisco, CA 94117 Add us to your address book  unsubscribe from this list | update subscription preferences

Allen Klein's Mid-Month Mirth Memo - July 2015

"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast." -William Shakespeare Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser. The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein          www.allenklein.com JULY 2015 CARTOON CAPTION OF THE MONTH Boss telling employee: "You can name your own salary here. I call mine Fred."    SIGNS OF THE MONTH On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:           OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.        Cocktail lounge, Norway:     LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.         In a Nairobi restaurant:        CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.       QUOTATION OF THE MONTH "The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades." -Demetri Martin, comedian PROMOTION OF THE MONTH From WORKLAUGHS (new audiobook) http://adbl.co/1HxPCmn  "I love working for myself. It's so empowering. Except when I call in sick. I always know when I'm lying." -Rita Rudner "The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job." -Slappy White "To err is human. But in order to really foul things up, you need a computer." -Anonymous http://adbl.co/1HxPCmn  follow on Twitter | friend on Facebook | forward to a friend  Copyright © *|CURRENT_YEAR|* *|LIST:COMPANY|*, All rights reserved. *|IFNOT:ARCHIVE_PAGE|* *|LIST:DESCRIPTION|* Our mailing address is: *|HTML:LIST_ADDRESS_HTML|**|END:IF|* *|IF:REWARDS|* *|HTML:REWARDS|* *|END:IF|*  unsubscribe from this list | update subscription preferences

Mid-Month Mirth Memo, June 2015

"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast." -William Shakespeare The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein          www.allenklein.com JUNE 2015 HEADLINES OF THE MONTH: -Porn star sues over rear-end collision. (Hillsville, VA) -Animal-rights group to hold meeting at steakhouse (Great Falls, MT) -Marijuana issue sent to a joint committee (The Toronto Star) MEASURMENTS OF THE MONTH:  -Bananosecond: Time between slipping on a peal and hitting the pavement. -Won Ton: 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup. -One Billgram: Weight an evangelist carries with God.   DID YOU KNOW THAT...: -Some people are alive because it’s illegal to kill them. -A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. -Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.     BONUS OF THE MONTH: From the new book You Can't Ruin My Day: Once, when humorist Robert Benchley was leaving a Manhattan nightclub, he turned to the man in uniform at the door and said, “Would you please get us a taxi?” The man replied, “I’m sorry, sir, but I happen to be a Rear Admiral in the United States Navy.” “All right, then,” Benchley responded, “get us a battleship.”                                         Look inside You Can't Ruin My Day: http://amzn.to/1GKLfTY      follow on Twitter | friend on Facebook | forward to a friend  Copyright © 2015 Allen Klein, All rights reserved.  unsubscribe from this list | update subscription preferences

Lower Haight Holler: Mother's Day Gift Guide From Viva Editions

Lower Haight Holler: Mother's Day Gift Guide From Viva Editions: Viva Editions would like to make a toast to all of the moms and inspiring women in the world! To show mothers how much you care this Sunday...

Mid-Month Mirth Memo April 2015

"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast." -William Shakespeare Is this email not displaying correctly? View it in your browser. The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein        www.allenklein.com APRIL 2015   SPECIAL EDITION HAPPY TAX DAY On income tax day I am reminded that while people say money talks, mine seems to go without saying a word. - Mary Ellen Pinkham Simplified Tax Form: 1. How much money did you make last year? 2. Send it in. - Anonymous Did you ever notice: when you put the two words “The” and IRS” together, it spells THEIRS”? - Soupy Sales You know what a red flag is to the IRS?—If you have money in your bank accounts after taxes. - Jay Leno The difference between death and taxes is that death does not get worse every time Congress meets. - Will Rogers What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. - Mark Twain BOOK OF THE MONTH: Mother's Day is just around the corner. It's great to give flowers but they don't last forever. Mom's the Word does. Give the gift that keeps on giving. It's all about the wit, wisdom and wonder of motherhood. Now in paperback, audio and Kindle. Listen, look inside the book, and purchase here: https://tinyurl.com/p22yr9c Heartwarming and humorous, this tribute to moms of the world gathers the best things anyone ever said about motherhood. From Dolly Parton to Dear Abby, women (and a few men) crack wise on the subject of the center of every family, mommie dearest! Mom’s the Word celebrates all motherhood with wise and witty words from the famous (Oprah Winfrey: "Mothers are really the true spiritual leaders.") and the funny (Erma Bombeck: "In general, my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television.").    follow on Twitter | friend on Facebook | forward to a friend  Copyright © 2015 Allen Klein, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you requested the MidMonth Mirth Memo either by email or in Allen Klein's presentation. Our mailing address is: Allen Klein World's Only "Jollytologist" San Francisco, CA 94117 Add us to your address book  unsubscribe from this list | update subscription preferences