MidMonth Mirth Memo July 2014

 The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. 

It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker,
"Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein
www.allenklein.com

Subscribe here: http://eepurl.com/t2y5T

TYPO OF THE MONTH:
Using our new voice recognition system, a fellow doctor dictated, "For erectile dysfunction, Cialis." The system interpreted that as "For erectile dysfunction, see Alice"
—Tamara H. Stall, in Reader's Digest
                                         
QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH:
Asked by lawyers in court proceedings...
"Without saying anything, tell the jury what you did next."
"How many times have you committed suicide?"
"Now,doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning."
—from The Dumb Book

FACT OF THE MONTH:
Older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for.  It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.              

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ARTICLE OF THE MONTH:
"Missiles, Marriage and Mirth"  Humor in the Israel military conflict. 
 http://www.examiner.com/article/missiles-marriage-and-mirth-being-israel-during-the-military-conflict

MidMonth Mirth Memo, March 2014

JOKE OF THE MONTH:                                                     
I was giving a patient a Rorschach Inkblot Test. Looking at the first card, he replied, "I see a naked woman." When I showed him the second card, he said the same thing. On card number three, he said, "Looks like two naked women."
                                                                            
I remarked that he seemed quite interested in naked women and asked him to tell me more.                                                                                          
                                                                                                
"Don't ask me, Doc," he replied. "You're the one showing all the dirty pictures!" 


SIGN OF THE MONTH:
On front door of business-
PUSH: If that doesn't work...
PULL: If that doesn't work..
WE MUST BE CLOSED.


QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
During the Iraq war, General Colin Powell was asked, "How stressful is it to oversee a war?" He replied, "I'm sleeping like a baby. Every two hours, I wake up, screaming."  

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GREAT IDEA OF THE MONTH:
Want to learn about humor and laughter?
Want more of it in your life?
Want to mingle with the gurus of therapeutic humor?
Then don't miss the Association for the Applied and Therapeutic Humor conference, April 3rd to 6th, at the Red Skelton Museum of American Humor. More info: http://www.aath.org

MidMonth Mirth Memo, January 2014

QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
                                                                                                     - Emo Philips



JOKE OF THE MONTH: 

The reason baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs" and "Huggies",

while undergarments for old people are called "Depends":
 When babies poop 
in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em and Hug'em.
 When old people 
poop in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will.

 

PRAYER OF THE MONTH:

God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
 the good 
fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight
to tell the difference. 
                                                                                                   - Anonymous


SHAMELESS PROMOTION OF THE MONTH:

Wanna add more laughter to your life this year?

The Laughter DVD has 15-minutesof people laughing. 
And it's contagious!

http://www.allenklein.com/laughtervideo.html

Pratfalls from the Platform

When I was seven-years-old, my parents took me to see my first Broadway show, “Oklahoma.” Every since that time, I have been in love with live theater. I think the reason for that is that, for me, live theater is more exciting than the movies because anything can happen.

Giving a speech is no different. Anything can happen, and it often does. As W. Mitchell, CSP, CPAE, says, “it’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do about it.” And, to add to those wise words, if what you do about it is to add some humor to those platform mishaps and mistakes then you are way ahead of the game. It’s something I wish I had known when I first started speaking.

I was hired to do a post-dinner presentation for surgeons and their spouses. After signing the contract, I found out that it was going to be a formal event. Since I had no tuxedo at the time, I went to Costco and bought one for $99. I lucked out because it was the week prior to New Year's Eve. I didn't do so well, however, during the speech.

The tux, made in Yugoslavia, had some weird side buckles that I apparently didn't fasten too well. During the program, one buckle came undone. Then the other side did too. I leaned to one side and caught the falling pants with my elbow. And that is the way I remained during the rest of the talk…one hand holding the microphone and the other arm holding up my pants. 

I was too new in the speaking business to realize that I could have openly shared what was happening with the audience, instead of trying to hide it. Had I revealed my dilemma, I probably would have gotten a chance to buckle up again and maybe even a great big laugh.

Another time, just as I was getting to the punch line of a story during a luncheon speech, the fire alarm went off. The audience sat there thinking it was part of a joke. But it wasn’t. I didn’t smell smoke but I knew that it was my responsibility to take charge and get the audience out of the ballroom just in case there was a fire.

When we returned, after learning that someone had accidently set the alarm off, I continued my talk about therapeutic humor. My opening line was “I guess humor is really a hot topic.”

Perhaps one of the funniest comebacks and a great example of “going with the flow” no matter what happens on stage, was told to me by friend and colleague, Karyn Buxman, CSP, CPAE.

One day she was giving a presentation in an unusually dark ballroom. The walls were black, the carpeting was black, the stage curtain behind her was black.

        

At one point in her talk, she stepped forward, missed the edge of the stage, and found herself flat on the floor. Although she was a little startled, she realized that she wasn’t hurt, just embarrassed. She also realized that the microphone had fallen right nearby. So, still lying on the ground, she picked it up and announced to the audience, “And now I will take questions from the floor.”

http://www.allenklein.com/speaker.htm#5%20Reasons%20to%20Hire%20a%20Jollytologist%C2%AE%20for%20your%20next%20meeting...

MidMonth Mirth Memo, December 2013

DECEMBER 2013

QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
                                             -Victor Borge                          
QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH:
Where does a snowman keep his money? In a snow bank.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Ice Krispies.

EXERCISE TIP OF THE MONTH:
Instead of "John", I call my bathroom "Jim".
That way it sounds better when I say "I go to the Jim first thing every morning."

DEAL OF THE MONTH:
Only during December, you can change your life for only a buck ninety-nine.
Change Your Life: A Little Book of Big Ideas (Kindle version)
http://tinyurl.com/km6u8bj

You Can't Ruin My Day

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my life is that I can rise above any situation; that I don’t have to let my circumstances rob me of my joyous spirit; that I can take back my power and not let any person or thing ruin my day, or, for that matter, my life.

Looking back, I realize that I learned that lesson at an early age. When I was seven-years-old, my parents took me to see both Broadway musicals, Carousel and Oklahoma. From that day on I wanted to be the person who created “the pretty stage pictures.” I wanted to be a scenic designer.

We arrived late for one of the shows and missed the beginning. So when the show was over, I refused to leave. I thought that, like a movie, I could see the beginning again. That day I was dragged out of the theater kicking and screaming, but my heart never left the theater.

In grade school, I took shoeboxes and made a scene from the book that we were reading in class. Other students wrote book reports; I did dioramas. In high school, I saw almost every Broadway show, including the opening night of Hello Dolly. In college, I designed many of the school productions and, with the help of one of the professors, got into Yale Drama School.

It was a three-year master’s degree program. They admitted twelve students the first year. Then, because they only produced eight plays in their smaller theater the second year, they let go of four designers. I was one of the first to go. I was told I had no talent.

Of course, I was heartbroken. But, even then, I realized that nobody could tell me I couldn’t do something if I truly believed I could. After all, I was a “scenic designer” since the sixth grade. I was a designer, at least in my mind, since I saw my first Broadway show. Nobody could tell me I wasn’t a designer. Nobody could ruin my day. Nobody could ruin my career. Nobody could ruin my life.

Soon after being booted from Yale, I became an apprentice in the scenic design union in New York City and finally became a full-fledged designer at CBS – television. My fellow classmates at Yale were still designing school productions while I was designing national television shows such as Captain Kangaroo, The Merv Griffin Show, and The Jackie Gleason Show.

Who said I had no talent? Who said I would never be a scenic designer? Nobody was going to ruin my day or my dream. Not even the head of the Yale School of Drama scenic design department.

More recently, that lesson was presented to me again, when I got a speeding ticket. In spite of that, I continued to be joyous that day and continued to repeat my mantra whenever not-so-wonderful stuff happens to me: “No one, or nothing, can ruin my day.”

MidMonth Mirth Memo, November 2013

                                                    NOVEMBER 2013

THOUGHT OF THE MONTH:
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance
Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning seven Tour de France
Races, while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike.                      
                                                                                                   -Anonymous

FACEBOOK POST OF THE MONTH:
Post: Can't wknds be longer?
Response: Yes, weekends.    

QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
I haven't the slightest idea of how to change people, but still,
I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should
ever figure it out.                                                 –David Sedaris 




GREAT NEWS OF THE MONTH:
I'm marching in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade this year.
I'll be escorting the Marion-Carole Showboat float. When you
see me on TV, wave and I'll wave back.

NEW BOOK OF THE MONTH:
Just in time for holiday gift-giving. Always Look on the Bright Side.
500 uplifting quotations to help you celebrate each day to the fullest.
http://www.allenklein.com/look-on-the-bright-side.htm