No Longer a Writer, I'm Now an Eraser

         While writing my first book, The Healing Power of Humor, I purchased a new 

computer program.  One morning, after typing for two hours, I accidentally pressed the 

wrong combination of keys.  Instantly everything I had written was erased. 

         Just then the phone rang.  It was a friend inquiring about how my writing was going.

         “Not so great,” I said.

         “What’s wrong?,” she inquired.

         “I’m no longer a writer.”

         “No longer a writer?,” she questioned.

         “No,” I replied.  “I’m now an eraser!”

         In spite of my trying to make light of the situation it was painful losing some good writing but perhaps not as painful as being rejected by eleven publishers when I was trying to get my book published. 

         And certainly not as painful as having to rewrite most of the book after my first editor left the company and I was assigned another editor who had a different “vision” of the book. 

         Or the mental anguish I went through when I was told that the title had to be changed in spite of my first editor admonishing me to “never change” what she called a best-selling title— Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying.

         So how did I have the motivation to continue writing when being bombarded with so many setbacks from so many directions?

         I was able to do it because I knew that my words would make a difference in the lives of those who read my book.  I knew that the story of my how my wife used humor to deal with her terminal illness would help others deal with their loss.  I also knew that if I could write just one page a day, no matter how many setbacks or rewrites I encountered, eventually the book would be done. 

         And it was.

         And it is making a difference.  The Healing Power of Humor is now in nine languages and a thirty-sixth printing in this country. The feedback I get from those who have read it is heartwarming.  One of my favorite pieces of fan mail, for example, came from a woman who wrote:

         Dear Mr. Klein, 
         I want to tell you about an incident that happened to me after reading your book. I had  to take a trip I did not want to take.  I was grumpy about it and became more upset, as the days got closer to my leaving.  So, as you suggest in your book, I decided that I would turn my negativity around. 
          I went to my local thrift shop and got the baggiest brightest pair of pants I could find, some red suspenders and a big polka-dotted shirt.  Then I bought an inexpensive multi-colored wig and a red clown nose.

          The day of the trip that I was regretting turned into one of the best days of my life.   

When I got to the airport in my clown outfit, some kids came over and asked for my 

autograph.  One man was convinced that he had seen me recently in the Ringling Brothers 

circus.  But best of all, when they announced the boarding of my flight, they said, “We are 

going to begin pre-boarding only.  Those needing a little extra time, families with children 

and clowns may go first.”

www.amazon.com/Healing-Power-Humor-Allen-Klein/dp/0874775191/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1310587966&sr=8-1

Happy Mirthday: The Birthday Phenomenon

 

            For the past three years I’ve either been out of state presenting one of my humor programs or attending a conference on my birthday.  I was not pleased having to spend this special day in an unfamiliar city with a group of strangers who had no inkling that it was my special day.  So this year I decided to change all that.  Before I left town, I scheduled an alternative date to celebrate my birthday with my family and was determined to created an outrageously fun birthday for myself in spite of the situation.            

            First thing I did was to let everyone in the conference session I was attending know that it was my birthday.  Then I told them that I wanted a hug from each of them.  I not only got hugs throughout the day but throughout the conference as well.

            Later on in the day, in a crowded elevator, I announced my birthday and asked twelve total strangers to sing “Happy  Birthday ” as I exited.  What a wonderfully funny sight seeing and elevator filled with adults singing to Happy Birthday as the doors closed.

            Next, I headed to buy myself some flowers.  After I selected a stem of lilies, I asked the florist if she had a Birthday card to include with my selection.  She handed me one and then noticing how much time and care I was taking in writing the card asked, “Oh, are you buying these for someone special.”  “Yes,” I said.  “Me.”  She looked puzzled and then laughed as I wrote, “To Allen.  Happy Birthday.  I love you.”  And then I signed my name.  

            What I noticed throughout the day was that everyone I told that it was my birthday, from the hassled hotel desk clerk who gave me a bud vase for my flowers to the convenience store clerk who looked like she hadn’t smiled for years, not only willingly participated in my off-beat requests but, without an exception, immediately smiled, became friendly and a most willing participant to help me celebrate in my special day.

            Then it struck me-- I had just discovered “The Birthday Phenomenon.”  Tell someone it’s your Birthday, whether it is or not, and suddenly they cheer up.

            So, the next time you are down when out of town (or even in town for that matter) tell someone it’s your Birthday (even if it isn’t)-- and you'll create a Happy Mirthday.

Pennies from Heaven

 

When I was a kid one of my greatest joys was to find a penny on the street.  Now that I am social security age, a penny doesn't buy what it used to,  but finding one on the street still makes me happy. 

I wonder why people don’t pick pennies up these days.  Has the value of a penny become so deflated that it is more trouble to bend down to retrieve them than they are worth?

Maybe the pleasure that I get from what others ignore stems from my father telling me that found money was lucky when saved, unlucky when spent. My father would stash away every bit of currency he found in a small antique clock.  The money was frequently counted but never spent because it was good luck.

Indeed, the pennies I find on the street are good luck.  For they not only remind me of the joyful memories from days past, when a penny bought a handful of sunflower seeds from the machine outside the candy store, but perhaps more importantly, they are little lessons which teach me to be thankful for the abundance in my life, no matter how small.       

A couple of years ago, someone e-mailed me a story about found pennies. I wish I knew who wrote it because it expresses what I feel.  It read:

         I found a penny today.  Just lying on the ground. 

But it's not just a penny, this little coin I've found. 

Found pennies come from heaven, that's what my Grandpa told me. 

He said that when an Angel misses you, they toss a penny down. 

Sometimes just to cheer you up, to make a smile out of your frown. 

So, don't pass by that penny, when you're feeling blue. 

It may be a penny from heaven, that an Angel tossed to you.

Today's Upsets Are Tomorrow's Laughs

In looking for humor, keep in mind this guideline: Sometimes it takes a little time to see the humor in your upsets; you may not find something to laugh about immediately.


H. G. Wells once said, "The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow." Some of our most trying moments turn into laughing matter when we look back at them. Things that seemed unbearable at one time often turn out, in hindsight, to somehow have humor in them after all.


Erma Bombeck, the First Lady of household comedy, admits that it often takes a second glance at our problems before we see the humor in them. "I can't tell you how many times I've slammed the doors and thrown myself on the bed," she relates, "and I'm calling convents at two in the morning and saying, 'Take me, please.' It's only in retrospect that it has any humor whatsoever."


Bombeck elaborates on this in an interview in USA Today. "When I had a cold it was absolutely tragic. I knew I was going to the big utility room in the sky. I got so sick of seeing this woman on television saying, 'Don't hate me for being beautiful.' You feel so ugly when you have a cold—your nose is running, your hair won't curl. But today it seems ridiculous. You need that time span to get a perspective."


Sometimes it takes ten seconds to see some humor in your dilemmas, sometimes ten years. The gap between your upset and the period when humor becomes obvious varies greatly, but you can shorten the gap. The next time you find yourself in a troublesome situation, stop for a moment and ask yourself what will it look like in a month, in six months, in a year, or when you are eighty-five. If you can remember to say "Some day I might laugh at this," you will be closer to doing so.

(Excerpted from The Healing Power of Humor, Tarcher/Putnam, Inc., 1989, by Allen Klein)

21 Grams

I know you’re there
Although it’s nothing I can prove
I know you’re there
From just the way the shadows move
And though I said goodbye and fin’ly let you go
I know you’re there
Although I don’t know how I know.
                            –Alix Korey, American composer

In 1907, researcher Duncan MacDougall found that 21 grams of body weight were lost immediately after a person died. He attributed the weight loss as a result of the soul leaving the body. The tests were never replicated and the results were widely dismissed by the scientific community. Still, it does bring up the question of what, if anything, remains when we die.

We may never be able to prove that the soul or spirit exists or whether it leaves the body upon death. But what we can be certain of is a lingering memory of those who have gone before us. And that, if nothing else, is the true soul or spirit of a living being.

It is that spirit of the deceased that we carry around with us in our thoughts. It is those memories that keep that person’s essence alive. And, when we think or speak of that person, though the body may not be around anymore, that person’s spirit continues forever.

(Excerpt from Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying: Embracing Life After Loss
Goodman Beck Publishing) 

http://www.amazon.com/Learning-Laugh-When-Feel-Crying/dp/0979875587/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1306627205&sr=1-1

Secrets Kids Know

"By learning to act more like a child, human beings can revolutionize their lives and become for the first time, perhaps, the kinds of creatures their heritage has prepared them to be—youthful all the days of their lives."  —Ashley Montagu
Waiting for my plane one morning, I was not aware of any children nearby, only adults reading their newspapers, chatting with others or gazing into space. Suddenly there was an announcement over the loudspeaker that the flight had been canceled. Disgruntled, the passengers made their way to the counter to be re-ticketed. Two children, perhaps six and seven-years-old caught my eye. They were the only ones not complaining. They were the only ones who seemed to be having a good time in spite of the situation. Sitting on the floor, they reached into a small carry-on bag, pulled out a handful of plastic Mutant Ninja Turtles, and proceeded to enjoy themselves. When they tired of this, they traced the lines of the carpet with their feet. They repeatedly counted the number of colors in each section of the rug. And they made up a game by hopping from one pattern to another. Kids can amuse themselves with almost anything. I remember my mother telling me that when I was very young, we would sometimes visit a distant aunt. I would immediately go into the kitchen, take out all the pots and pans from the cabinet and proceed to play with them for hours. To a child, often the box a toy came in is more appealing than the toy itself. "My one-year-old is never happier," says Susan Lewis, "than when he is unraveling an audio tape, wearing underwear on his head or making music by clinking a crystal ornament against the glass coffee table. Even my older children don't need toys—they are quite content reprogramming my computer, taking apart the lens of my camera or face-painting with the makeup in my bathroom." Lewis amusingly notes that maybe it's really the adults who need the toys to keep the kids away from their possessions. Kids even find joy in things that annoy adults. For Rich Fullerton, who was trying to do some quiet work at home, one of those things was an incredibly noisy garbage truck. Every few houses it stopped to grind and crush the trash. Each time it would break Fullerton's concentration as he struggled to continue working. Finally, he walked to the window hoping, he says, "to speed the truck’s passing with an annoyed glare." But, instead, what he got was a big lesson from a small child. "In the front yard," Fullerton says, "my five-year-old son was thrilled. I watched him climb on top of a fire hydrant near the street. From there, he had the best possible view inside the back of the huge truck where giant mechanical teeth chewed up the garbage. The noise just made it more fascinating to him." Fullerton concludes, "It’s a marvelous thing that five-year-olds can enjoy life by just watching garbage trucks. . . ." The lesson adults can learn here is that the world is filled with things for our enjoyment. The trick is to open our eyes and look for them. "On the whole...kids are pretty lucky," writes Michael Burkett, author of The Dad Zone. "They can find a penny on the sidewalk and feel rich. They can find a fossil-shaped rock and feel like Indiana Jones. They can find an anthill and feel like God.” Kids find enjoyment in the simplest of things. You can too. Children remind us to treasure the smallest of gifts, even in the most difficult of times. Erma Bombeck found this out when she was doing research for her book about kids with cancer, I Want to Grow Hair, I Want to Grow Up, I Want to Go to Boise. Dealing with cancer herself, Bombeck remembers one eight-year-old diagnosed with cancer of the nervous system. When asked what she wanted for her birthday, Christina answered after much thought, "I don't know. I have two sticker books and a Cabbage Patch doll. I have every-thing!" No matter what has happened, you too have the power to enjoy yourself. One woman told me how her young son helped her do this and to relish life again after her husband was killed in an accident. Thinking his mother could not see him, the ten-month-old child hid, stark naked, behind an open-meshed chain link fence. At that moment, it became clear to her that she could not raise her son with solemnity. She says, "I resolved that I was going to find things to enjoy in life. The playful child was a turning point for me to realize that no matter what we have lost or gone through we can still find joy." The toddler also helped her turn tears to laughter. When she would be crying he would go into the bathroom and repeatedly return with tiny postage-sized pieces of toilet paper to dry one tear at a time.

Humor Support System

Medically, everyone’s funny bone is in the same place—the part of the elbow over which the ulnar nerve passes. Knock it and you may experience a tingling sensation running up your arm.

Non-medically, everyone’s funny bone is in a different place. What people laugh at can cover a wide variety of styles and preferences. Some people, for example, like slapstick such as seen in the Marx brothers’ comedy routines. Others like put-down humor as exemplified in Don Rickles’ stand-up performances. Still others prefer something like Gallagher's prop-based comedy, or, Woody Allen’s intellectual humor.

The important thing is not to compare what you find funny with what someone else finds funny. Instead, nurture what, and who, makes you laugh.

So one of your assignments this week is to determine which comedian, cartoonist, or stand-up comic makes you laugh. Then rent and view one of their DVDs, or, in the case of a cartoonist, post some of their cartoons around your home or office.

The other part of your task is to identify your personal humor support system. Which friends, acquaintances, colleagues, loved-ones, or relatives help lighten you up when things get you down?

Recently, I read that surrounding yourself with other happy people can hike your odds of being more cheerful by nine-percent. Happiness, like laughter is contagious. It is much easier to laugh when someone else is also laughing than it is to laugh when you are by yourself. Why do you think they have laugh tracks on television comedy shows? You hear other people laughing and it encourages you to laugh too.

            If you want to lighten up and laugh more, you too need a “laugh-track” support system or a “humor buddy.”

One of my humor buddies is my daughter Sarah who is now forty-three-years-old. We have always been, and still are, very playful with each other and laugh a lot together. We could, for example, walk down the street and use the parking meter as a microphone, or, make up a gibberish foreign language and speak it to each other on a crowded downtown street.

Even though I teach humor workshops, Sarah has been a great teacher for me in learning how to lighten up. When I was writing my first book, The Healing Power of Humor, I would close my office door and use earplugs to avoid being disturbed. At the time, my daughter was in her early teens. She would often knock on the door and enter before I could respond. Usually she wanted to talk about something that could have easily waited until I took a break.

After she had interrupted me several times one morning, I put a big sign on the door that read: “Do Not Disturb Unless It’s an Emergency.”

No sooner than I posted the sign outside the door, there was another knock. This time I was really annoyed and shouted in disgust, “Is this an emergency?”

“Yes,” she replied emphatically.

“O.K.,” I angrily shouted back without opening the door. “What do you want?”

She said, “I forgot to tell you I love you.”

Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized that I was taking my writing and myself too seriously. What irony! Here I was writing a book about humor and I had lost mine.

This week, you might want to find people in your humor support system who will help you take what you do seriously but yourself lightly.

…and remember what writer and aviator Antoine de Saint Exupéry said:

He who would travel happily must travel light.