Never Leave Home Without It...Your Sense of Humor, That Is

10 Tips to Lighten Up Holiday Hassles

The holidays are filled with many Maalox moments—over-crowded stores, airport/ highway travel, last minute shopping, and not enough time to get it all done. While these, and other annoyances, are ripe for stress, they are also opportunities to test your sense of humor and turn these Maalox moments into more mirthful ones.

Below are ten things you can do to add more joy to this joyous season.

1- Carry some small reminder around with you to remember to lighten up. Some bubbles perhaps? A red clown nose? A photo of your playful child or pet?

2- Wrap your gifts in the Sunday newspaper funnies. They are colorful, fun, and could save you a bundle of money on expensive gift-wrapping paper.

3- Try some random acts of silliness. For example:

-Wear mismatched gloves or socks… on purpose!

-Page yourself over the intercom!

-If and when a store clerk, restaurant server or flight attendant asks matter-of-factly "How are you today?" try replies such as, "Well medicated. And you?"

4- Have some funny signs around your office or home to remind you to lighten up. For example:

-Never wrestle with a pig - you both get dirty and the pig likes it.

-You don't have to be crazy to work here…but it sure helps!

-If we're closed, just slide the money under the door!

Or, put a sign on your bathroom mirror which reads, “This person is not to be taken seriously.”

5- Pop goes your stress. Save the bubble wrap you get when buying fragile items. Pop it with your fingers, knees and toes! Sit on it. Dance on it. Pop it with young children.

6- Remind yourself what is really important in life. So what if someone doesn’t get a gift before Christmas? It might be even more special after Christmas when it’s not competing with all the other gifts.

7- Let a smile be your umbrella. This simple choice is yours. You can frown and be miserable or you can wear a smile and watch it rub off on others.

8- Go see a funny holiday movie or live show. There are many choices this time of year.

9- Focus on the positive. Write down all the great things you love about the holidays. Keep the list handy when annoyances arise. And share them with others. You will probably hear something uplifting that you forgot to put on your list.

10- Take a tour of downtown department store windows. In bigger cities, they are always fanciful, fun, and often a magical holiday experience.

Finally, to get you started on the right track…

A nun in a convent goes up to the Mother Superior. “Mother Superior, we have a case of syphilis in the Rectory!”

The Mother Superior replies, “Thank goodness! I’ve gotten tired of the Merlot.”

Happy holiday!

>>>

Allen Klein is the world’s only “Jollytologist”, a professional speaker, and author of 17 books including The Healing Power of Humor, Change Your Life!: A Little Book of Big Ideas, and Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying. www.allenklein.com

Mid-Month Mirth Memo

 The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony.  It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein www.allenklein.com  

NOVEMBER  2011

THANKFUL THOUGHT OF THE MONTH:

(In honor of Thanksgiving)

Everyday I am thankful for something in my life. 

Today I'm thankful that the photographer was not standing on the other side. 

 SIGN OF THE MONTH: 

(In honor of Social Media)

"In case of fire, exit building before TWEETING about it."

 JOKE OF THE MONTH:

(In honor of National Hospice Month)

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death’s doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.  Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

“Stay away from those,” she said. “They’re for the funeral!”

BOOK OF THE MONTH:

(To you deal with holiday stress)

The Healing Power of Humor: Techniques for Getting through Loss, Setbacks, Upsets, Disappointments, Difficulties, Trials, Tribulations, and All That Not-So-Funny Stuff

http://www.allenklein.com/healing.htm

Mid-Month Mirth Memo: October,2011

The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony.  It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein www.allenklein.com  

OCTOBER  2011

PUNS OF THE MONTH:

Former Miss Russia, previously arrested for forging prescriptions, now busted for shoplifting. Cops say she still hasn’t gotten her Berings Strait.

Police arrest man for stealing stenography machines. He wants a short sentence.

—from Readers Digest

SIGN OF THE MONTH: 

The new city hall in Chandler, Arizona, is ecofriendly and uses recycled gray water in the toilets. Just to be safe, a sign went up in the bathrooms warning employees not to drink out of the toilets. “I’m glad I saw that sign because I was very thirsty,” deadpanned the mayor.

—from azcentral.com

      

JOKE OF THE MONTH:

A woman rubs a lamp and out pops a genie. “You’re a kind lady, so I’ll grant you one wish,” the genie tells her.

“See this cat? I’d rather have a strong, handsome man,” she says.

The genie agrees and—poof!—the cat turns into a Brad Pitt clone. The woman leaps into his lap.

“Do you have anything to say before we make love?” she asks.

“Yes,” he says. “I bet you wish you hadn’t had me neutered last week.”

BOOK OF THE MONTH:

The holidays are fast approaching. Why give the same old gift when you can give the book that keeps on giving? Inspiration for a Lifetime: Words of Wisdom, Delight and Possibility.

 

You Can't Ruin My Day: Just Say "Yes"

 

WAKE-UP CALL # 2

If the shutters are closed, the sunlight cannot come in.

-Eckhart Tolle, author/spiritual teacher

Years ago, I took an improvisation class.  Improvisation is the art of creating something from whatever is presented to you. One of the things we learned in the class, and a cornerstone of improvisational technique, was called “Yes, And…” It means that one of the improvisers will say or do something and, without rejecting it, the other improviser will accept it and add something new to the action.

Basically, it is a method of being willing to accept what is given to you. Before you can have anything change in your life, you have to be willing for it to change. I’m going to repeat that because it is an extremely simple concept but a difficult one to fully comprehend.

“Before you can have anything change in your life, you have to be willing for it to change.” They keys words here are “be willing.”

Things don’t change by themselves; there has to be some energy behind them to get things moving. If you want something to be other than the way it is, the first question you need to ask yourself is “Am I willing?”— “Am I willing for things to change? Am I willing for things to be different?”  “Am I willing not to let anything or anyone upset me?”

Saying “Yes” to these things may not be comfortable; in fact it may be very difficult but if you want to move from where you are now, either physically or mentally, to somewhere else, you must be willing to do so in spite of the discomfort.

When I wanted to be a professional speaker, in order to share my message about the therapeutic value of humor, it was not easy. I almost failed speech class in college so getting up in front of a group was terrifying. But saying, “Yes” and being willing to do whatever it took empowered me to rise above my fear and share my message anyway. Saying “Yes”, and being willing to do whatever it took empowered me to keep going even when it looked like I might not get to a speaking engagement due to the forces of nature. Saying “Yes” and being willing to do whatever it took also empowered me to get my first book published when others told me it was impossible.

Being willing and saying “Yes” can empower you to face your current roadblocks. 

START-UP:

What can you say “yes” to this week?

LIGHTEN UP:

An eager and willing, but less than bright, young entrepreneur decides to go into the painting business. So he wanders into the rich part of town, paint brush in hand, and knocks at the door of a large house.

"Good day, sir. I was wondering if you had any painting you need done."

The owner of the house, a rich man by any standard, looks speculatively at the painter. He perceives a vibrant entrepreneurial spirit, which reminds him of his own ambition in his younger days.

"Hmmm. Yes, I think my porch needs a coat or two of paint."

The eager young painter rushes off around the side of the house...

Several hours later, he returns to the front door, his clothes dripping paint, and knocks again.

"Sir, I've finished! But I have to tell you, that wasn't a porch, it was a Ferarri."

YOU CAN'T RUIN MY DAY: Getting to Know You

Wake-Up Call #1

We must learn to accept life and to accept ourselves with a shrug and a smile . . .

because it’s all we’ve got.

-Harvey Mindess, author

Until you accept things the way they are and realize that you can’t change other people except perhaps by setting an example of how you would like them to be, you will be hard pressed to find a lot of happiness in your life.

            If you had a horse, for example, and you wanted to go in one direction and the horse you are riding wants to go in another, sorry folks, but it ain’t gonna work. No amount of pulling or tugging, kicking or screaming, pleading, or prodding will make the horse go where you want it to go if the horse doesn’t want to go there. And, don’t forget, he is much bigger than you. So accepting the place where the horse is headed is easier.

            To be a contented, and have a great day every day, you need to accept other people as they are, not the way you want them to be. I’m not saying not to try to make the world better. But it is useless to keep knocking your head against the wall trying to change things that can’t be changed.

Wake-Up:

Every time you encounter someone who upsets you, stop and ask yourself, “What is it that annoys me about that person? Chances are that quality that you don't like is something you also have or you probably would not have noticed it in someone else. It is probably something you also need to accept in yourself.

Lighten Up:

Nasreddin, a satirical Sufi figure, was walking along the street when he sees a mirror lying on the curb. 

“Oh! what a waste," says Nasrudin, “a good mirror thrown away like that.” 

So he picks it up and looks in it, then he discards it too. 

“No wonder they threw the mirror away", he says, "What a face! Who’d want to look at a face like that!”

Mid-Month Mirth Memo: September 2011

The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony.  
It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein www.allenklein.com  

PUNS OF THE MONTH:

I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here. I'll go on a head." 

She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

THOUGHTS OF THE MONTH: 

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Some people are like a Slinky - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

JOKE OF THE MONTH:

“Are your mother and father in?” asked one instructor when a small boy opened the door.

“Well,” said the boy, “they was in but they is out now.”

“They was in? They is out?” said the shocked teacher, “Where is your grammar?”

“Oh,” said the boy, “she’s upstairs takin’ a bath.”                             —Steve Allen

NEW AUDIO-BOOK OF THE MONTH:

TeacherLaughs: Quips, Quotes, and Anecdotes about the Classroom

by Allen Klein

http://www.audible.com/pd/ref=sr_1_1?asin=B005KJZTC0&qid=1314920894&sr=1-1

New Reseach: Laughter is Good for the Heart

Reprinted from www.medscape.com Heartwire © 2011 Medscape, LLC

Article by Michael O'Riordan. Complete article at:

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/748773?src=mpnews&spon=12

August 29, 2011 (Paris, France) — A series of studies presented this week here at the European Society of Cardiology (ESC) 2011 Congress highlight the role of laughter, positive thinking, anger, and job stress on developing cardiovascular events. Presenting results during a press conference entitled "Don't worry, be happy," the research had a serious side to it, stressing that anger and job stress are linked to higher cardiovascular event rates, while laughter and cognitive behavior therapy can lower the risk.

Dr Michael Miller (University of Maryland Medical School, Baltimore), the lead investigator of a study examining the link between endothelial function and laughter, said the purpose of his study was to examine the link between positive emotional health achieved through laughter and the subsequent effect on the vasculature.

"We want to maintain good vascular health, and we do that by maintaining a good diet and good regular physical activity, but it turns out that emotions also play an important role here," Miller told the media during a morning press conference. "What we've done in our study is to really promote laughter by showing movies, or segments from Saturday Night Live and other things, to really make people laugh. We appreciate that when we get a good sustained belly laugh, we feel good. That's the point of this--if we feel good, and not just go, 'ha ha,' but get a good belly laugh, does this translate into changes in vascular function?"

In their study, the researchers tested the effects of humorous and stressful movies on endothelial function. Subjects were shown the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan, an intense 15-minute segment that takes place June 6, 1944 and shows Allied forces storming the beach of Normandy. Researchers were also shown segments of There's Something about Mary, Shallow Hal, and Kingpin, all comedies.

After each movie, endothelial function was measured. After watching the scene from Saving Private Ryan, blood vessels constricted by as much as 30% to 50%, whereas vasodilation occurred when investigators measured vascular function in subjects watching the comedies. They also observed that vasoconstriction and vasodilation can occur quickly, with the funny movies reversing blood-vessel contraction that occurred after watching the stressful D-Day scene.

Miller said the vasoconstrictive and vasodilative effects lasted for about an hour, although other researchers have seen the benefits of laughter on vascular function extended to 24 hours. He added that the magnitude of change in the blood vessel is similar to the effects observed with statins and physical activity. "We think the effect is fairly long lasting, considering you're only laughing for about 10 or 15 minutes," said Miller.