Thursday, July 16, 2020

MidMonth Mirth Memo, July 2020


"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast."

-William Shakespeare


The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, 

"Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein         

www.allenklein.com

JULY 2020

Groaner of the Month:

A man was driving on the highway when all of a sudden he had to swerve to avoid a box falling off the truck that was in front of him.

Seconds later, a police officer pulled him over for reckless driving. As the officer was writing the ticket, the driver noticed the box he'd avoided had been full of nails and tacks.

"I had to swerve or I'd have run over those and blown my tires!" he protested.

"OK," replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."

"What for?!"

"Tacks evasion."
—thealternativeaccountant.com

Question of the Month:  

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
—George Carlin, comedian

Tweet of the Month: 

"My body is like an old car. Every time I sneeze, cough, or sputter, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires." 
@DesyMckee

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BOOK OF THE MONTH:
Change Your Mood and Change Your Life with
THE LIGHTEN UP BOOK.
Filled with affirmations and insights to inspire health and happiness.
https://tinyurl.com/y8one7aq
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Wednesday, April 15, 2020

MidMonth Mirth Memo April 2020


"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast."

-William Shakespeare


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The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, 

"Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein         

www.allenklein.com

APRIL 2020

ANOTHER SPECIAL CORONAVIRUS EDITION  
IMPORTANT: We care about your safety.
Make sure you wash your hands before reading this.


The Coronavirus: Nothing to Laugh About...or is there?

The virus continues, so does the humor. Every day, people are posting funny stuff about such things as the shortage of toilet paper, the challenge of sheltering-in-place, and face masks made out of almost anything including men's underwear and women's bras. To help you get a little relief from what is happening in the world right now, below is a potpourri of Coronavirus-related comedy gathered from the Internet.


HOMESCHOOLING:

"Going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job."

Day 5: "One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat."

Day 6: "My child just said, 'I hope I don't have the same teacher next year.'"


SHELTER-IN-PLACE:
"I'm so excited—it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?"

"It's not so boring at home. But it is interesting how one bag of rice has 7,897 grains and the other bag only has 7,674.

               

SOCIAL DISTANCING:
"I need to practice social distancing from the refrigerator."

"To go to the grocery store, they said a mask and glovers were enough. They lied. Everybody else had clothes on!"

ACCORDING TO SCIENTISTS:
The amount of bad Coronavirus jokes is starting to reach worrying numbers. Some scientists claim it might be a PUNDEMIC. 

—@Dadsaysjokes 

* * *

                                  

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ARTICLE OF THE MONTH:
"THREE THINGS YOU CAN DO TO NOT LET THE CORONAVIRUS RUIN YOUR DAY"

https://allenklein.blogspot.com/2020/03/dont-let-coronavirus-ruin-your-day_19.html
Copyright © 2020 Allen Klein, All rights reserved.
You are receiving this email because you requested the MidMonth Mirth Memo either by email or in Allen Klein's presentation.
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San FranciscoCA 94117

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Thursday, March 19, 2020

Don’t Let the Coronavirus Ruin Your Day



You may not realize it right now, but you have the power to not let anyone or anything get you down, and that includes the Coronavirus.
            There are many things you can do to take back your power and be less stressed about this pandemic, or anything else going on in your life right now. Below are three of them.

1-    REFRAME TO REMAIN SANE
There is a classic story of two salesmen who were sent to a far-off country where no one wore shoes. 
            One sent back an email to his company stating, “Don’t send any more shoes. No one wears any.”
            The second salesman’s message was very different, “Send all the shoes you can. No one here has any.”
            Both men experienced the same situation, but each had a different reaction. So it is not the event that can ruin your day, it is how you react to it. Things are the way they are. You are the ones that give them meaning.
            To begin to turn your fearful thoughts around, ask yourself:
                        -Does being upset serve me?
                        -Does being upset or fearful contribute to my well-being?
                        -Does being fearful bring more or less joy in my life?

2-    MOVE YOUR FEAR TO THE REAR
      Fear is a powerful force. It can help us deal with danger. But often it is our imagined fear that is the real danger. I once heard someone say that the acronym for FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. I love that because often our fears are in our mind. And they not only ruin our day but also ruin our life.
      Author, speaker and presidential candidate, Marianne Williamson, notes that, “If your mind is in a loving place…your experience will reflect that. If your mind is in a fearful place…your experience will reflect that.”
      Perhaps it is time right now to examine your fears and see how they are impacting your life. List a few of them and then ask yourself:
                              -Where did these fears come from?
                              -Are they real? Are they necessary?
                              -Are they contributing or diminishing the enjoyment in my life?

3-    FIND THE GOOD NEWS IN THE BAD
The Zen poet, Masahide, once wrote,
                  Now that my house has burned down,
                  I can see the moon better.     
      Not-so-great stuff happens to all of us. One of the ways to get through it is to find the positive in the negative. It is always there if you seek it.
      Looking for the good in the bad is not to deny your pain or your upset; it is about not letting your setback prevent you from recognizing the positive potential in your situation.
     In the world of comedy, there are good-news bad-news jokes. A classic example:
                Doctor: I have good news, and I have bad news. Which do you want first?
                Patient: I want the good news first.
                Doctor: Well, you have 24 hours to live.
                Patient: That's the good new. What's the bad news?
                Doctor: The bad news is that I should have told you yesterday.
This week, see if you can do the reverse of this popular joke setup. Start with some bad news and see if you can find the good news in it. For example:
                The bad news: The Coronavirus is keeping people 6-feet apart.
                The good news: It’s better than being 6-feet under.
                                                                                                             ©Allen Klein, 2020
                                                                   *****
Excerpted in part from You Can’t Ruin My Day (VivaEditions, 2015) by Allen Klein
                                                   https://tinyurl.com/v875lou
Also helpful: Positive Thoughts for Troubling Times (Mango Publishing, 2019)    
                                                    https://tinyurl.com/v93zrgm


                       

Sunday, March 15, 2020

Mid-Month Mirth Memo, March 2020


"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast."

-William Shakespeare


The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, 

"Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein         

www.allenklein.com

MARCH 2020

SPECIAL CORONAVIRUS EDITION  
IMPORTANT: We care about your safety.
Make sure you wash your hands before reading this.


The Coronavirus: Nothing to Laugh About...or is there?

When we can laugh at something, we rise above it. If only momentarily, we get a different perspective of our situation. With that in mind, and to help you get a little relief from what is happening in the world right now, below is some Coronavirus-related comedy.


TOILET PAPER:
"Some people aren't shaking hands because of Coronavirus. I'm not shaking hands because everyone's out of toilet paper."

"I have a 24 pack of toilet paper from Walmart. Looking to swap for a four bedroom house."

Sign in Store Window: "No cash or toilet paper kept on premises at night"


                                                       

HAND WASHING:
The city of Round Rock, Texas, put out a public service message to ensure people wash their hands properly. It read: “Wash your hands like you just got done slicing jalapeƱos for a batch of nachos and you need to take your contacts out.”


CORONA BEER:
PHOTO: A bottle of Corona beer hiding in the corner of a refrigerator shelf with all the other items keeping their distance and protecting themselves with a face mask.

PHOTO: A supermarket shelf with six-packs of Corona beer sounded by cans of Lysol spray on both sides.


FAKE NEWS: 
John Travolta hospitalized for suspected COVID-19, but doctors now confirm that it was only Saturday Night Fever, and they assure everyone that he was Staying Alive.
 

* * *


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7-MINUTE PODCAST OF THE MONTH:
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Saturday, February 15, 2020

MidMonth Mirth Memo, February 2020


"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast."

-William Shakespeare


The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker,
"Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein
         

www.allenklein.com

FEBRUARY 2020
 

LAUGHS OF THE MONTH: (from the Edinburgh Festival Fringe)
"A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it." —Ross Smith
"A cowboy asked me if I could round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. That's 20 cows." —Jake Lambert
"I accidentally booked myself into an escapology course. I'm really struggling to get out of it." —Adele Cliff

 

QUESTION OF THE MONTH:
If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?


FUN THOUGHTS OF THE MONTH: (from The Joy of Simplicity)

"You can't have it all—where would you put it?" —Steven Wright

"I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four." —Yogi Berra

"It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all." 
                                                                —James Thurber


* * *


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To be published February 18th

THE JOY OF SIMPLICITY 

Insights to Unclutter and Uncomplicate Your Life



GET YOUR COPY NOW ON AMAZON & elsewhere
Kindle and Paperback
Copyright © 2020 Allen Klein, All rights reserved.
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Wednesday, January 15, 2020

Mid-Month Mirth Memo, January 2020


"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast."

-William Shakespeare


The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker,
"Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein
         

www.allenklein.com

JANUARY 2020
 

TWEET OF THE MONTH:
If anyone is interested, I'll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 5:00 p.m. until I get escorted out by security.                                                                                        -@joefrog1 

 

PUN OF THE MONTH:
A ship carrying blue paint suddenly collided with one carrying red paint.
The crew is missing and believed to be marooned. 



FUN FACT OF THE MONTH:

January 28th is Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day.
Did you know that:
-Bubble Wrap was originally designed as wallpaper?
-Artist Bradley Hart uses Bubble Wrap to create "Pop Art"?
-A 1992 study found that popping Bubble Wrap can help you be more relaxed.

So, to celebrate the New Year, forget about popping the champagne. Instead, pop some Bubble Wrap.


* * *


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NEW YEAR, NEW BOOK

THE JOY OF SIMPLICITY 
Insights to Unclutter and Uncomplicate Your Life


NOW AVAILABLE TO PRE-ORDER ON AMAZON
Kindle and Paperback
https://tinyurl.com/rm22rbj
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Monday, December 16, 2019

MidMonth Mirth Memo, December 2019


"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast."

-William Shakespeare


The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker,
"Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein
         

www.allenklein.com

DECEMBER 2019
 

LAUGH OF THE MONTH: 
Gloria stops at the post office to get stamps for her Chanukah cards. She tells the clerk, "I would like 25 stamps."
"What denomination?" asks the clerk.
Gloria thinks for a few seconds, then replies, "Give me 8 Orthodox, 7 Conservative, and 10 Reform."  

 

QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH:
What did the big candle say to the little candle ?

"I'm going out tonight."

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
"It's Christmas, Eve!"

How many presents can Santa fit into an empty sack?
Only one - after then it is not empty any more.



END OF THE MONTH MIRTH:

What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve?He got 12 months!


My friend asked me where I see myself in the new year.

How would I know? I don't have 2020 vision.


What is a New Year's resolution?

Something that goes in one year and out the other.

* * *


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END THE YEAR ON A HIGH NOTE
Affirmations and Insights to Inspire
Health and Happiness

NOW AVAILABLE ON AMAZON
Kindle and Paperback
https://tinyurl.com/yyp9v44f
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