Friday, March 15, 2019

MidMonth Mirth Memo, March 2019



"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast."

-William Shakespeare



The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker,
"Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein
        

www.allenklein.com
 

                            MARCH 2019
                        SPECIAL EDITION
                            

To celebrate the publication of EMBRACING LIFE AFTER LOSS today,
this edition of The MidMonth Mirth Memo
consists solely of humor related to death and dying
.
 


Rabbis do a lot of work on the phone. We receive calls from people with questions. One woman called me: “Rabbi, how long after my husband’s funeral do I have to wait before I can start dating again?” At that point, there was a knock at my door. I said, “Just a minute.” She said, “Thank you,” and hung up.

-Rabbi Robert Alper

***

A young preacher without much experience was conducting his very first funeral. He gestured to the body lying in the coffin and then declared: “What we have here is only the shell. The nut is already gone." 

***

A man had a dog he really loved a lot. He had to go out of town and left the dog with his brother who he told, “Please take very good care of this dog; she means an awful lot to me.” Three days later he called to check out how the dog was doing. The brother told him, “The dog is dead.” The man said, “You know how much I loved that dog. How could you be so insensitive? Couldn’t you have said the dog climbed up on the roof chasing a cat, and it slipped and broke its leg, and an infection set in, and it got worse. . .You know, break it to me gently, not so abrupt. "Now, how’s Mama?”   
“Well, she was up on the roof. . .”

***

A father had two sons. One went to the big city, where he became a wealthy businessman. The other remained in the home town. When their father passed away, the successful son was too busy to attend the funeral, but he told his brother to spare no expense, since he would pay all costs. Shortly thereafter, the wealthy son received an invoice from the funeral director, which he paid. But every month afterward he got a bill for $77. Curious about this little item, he wrote his brother and asked the reason for the monthly charge.   
“You told me that we should spare no expense,” his brother wrote back. “Since you said Dad would like to go in style, we rented him a tuxedo.”     

-Anonymous

***

“Aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?”

-Anonymous

 


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BOOK OF THE MONTH

EMBRACING LIFE AFTER LOSS:
A Gentle Guide for Growing Through Grief

The book shows readers how to go from loss to laughter in five stages…
losing, learning, letting go, living and finally laughing.


Available on Amazon in hard copy and Audible
http://tinyurl.com/yymnclf3
Copyright © 2019 Allen Klein, All rights reserved.
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Tuesday, January 15, 2019

MidMonth Mirth Memo, January 2019


"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast."

-William Shakespeare


The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker,
"Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein
         

www.allenklein.com
 

                          JANUARY 2019                                         

PUN OF THE MONTH:
A string walks into a bar. It goes up to get a drink and the bartender says, “We don’t serve strings here.” So the string ties himself in a number of loops and then goes up to the bar again. The bartender says, “I told you, we don't serve strings here. Uh . . . are you a string?” And the string answers, “No, I’m a frayed knot.” 



QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH:                                                 Q: Did you hear about the new restaurant chain called Karma?
A:  There’s no menu. You get what you deserve.


Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I’m not sure, but their flag is a big plus.

 

Q: Why did the chicken go to the séance?
A: To get to the other side. 

 

QUOTE OF THE MONTH:                                                             "A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."      -Steven Wright


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ARTICLE OF THE MONTH
"Living with a ravenous thirst for life"

https://tinyurl.com/y8ggampw
Copyright © 2019 Allen Klein, All rights reserved.
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Saturday, December 15, 2018

MidMonth Mirth Memo, December 2018


"Prepare for mirth, for mirth becomes a feast."

-William Shakespeare


The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker,
"Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein
         

www.allenklein.com
 

                                DECEMBER 2018                                         

ADVICE OF THE MONTH: 
"Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas." 

-Johnny Carson


QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH:                                                                                       
Q: What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?

A: A meltdown
.

-Kelly Epperson Simmons


Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic 

-Anonymous

Q:What illness would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations?
A: Tinselitis.

-Anonymous

JOKE OF THE MONTH:
One Christmas, my grandfather gave me a box of broken glass. He gave my brother a box of Band-Aids and said, "You two share."

-Steven Wright

 


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GIFTS OF THE MONTH
Give the gift that keeps on giving all year long.
Give a book of inspiring, uplifting and motivational quotations.
http://www.allenklein.com/books.htm
Copyright © 2018 Allen Klein, All rights reserved.
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Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Thanksgiving: A Cornucopia of Gratitude



by 
Allen Klein

In addition to my other books, I am the author of a number of uplifting and motivational quotation books. I like quotations because they often remind us, with succinct words, about important matters.

The quotations below are a small selection from one of my books, Change Your Life!: A Little Book of Big Ideas. I hope you enjoy them and perhaps use some at your Thanksgiving dinner to remind everyone around the table to be grateful for all they have in their life.

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. 
Have you used one to say "thank you”?
WILLIAM ARTHUR WARD 

If the only prayer you say in your whole
life is “Thank you,” that would suffice.
MEISTER ECKHART 

Appreciation is like an insurance policy. 
It has to be renewed every now and then.
DAVE MCINTYRE  

Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel
as free to delight in whatever remains to them?
ROSE FITZGERALD KENNEDY 

Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up,
snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as
bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.
JOHN RUSKIN 

Not being beautiful was the true blessing. . . .
Not being beautiful forced me to develop my inner
resources.  The pretty girl has a handicap to overcome.
GOLDA MEIR 

To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have.
KEN KEYES, JR. 

Health is . . . a blessing that money cannot buy.
IZAAK WALTON

Count your blessings, not your crosses,
Count your gains, not your losses.
Count your joys instead of your woes,
Count your friends instead of your foes.
Count your health, not your wealth.
OLD PROVERB

He who limps still walks.
STANISLAW LEC 

Too many people miss the silver lining
because they're expecting gold.
MAURICE SETTER 

If you count all your assets,
you always show a profit.
ROBERT QUILLEN 

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it
is like wrapping a present and not giving it.
WILLIAM ARTHUR WARD  

*****

Excepts from
Change Your Life!: A Little Book of Big Ideas

*****

I am grateful for having the opportunity to march in  
Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in 2013.