MidMonth Mirth Memo - July 15, 2012

The MidMonth Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. 
It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein        

                                                   www.allenklein.com 

JOKE OF THE MONTH:

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich,

pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager

shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for

your sandwich!"

"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwelling mammal of Asian origin,

characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."



ANECDOTE OF THE MONTH:

As my friend, an anesthesiologist at a hospital, passed by an operating room,

she noticed it was being set up for a breast augmentation procedure. So she

popped her head inside.

            "What's going on?" she asked a nurse.

            The nurse's reply:

They're making a mountain out of a molehill."

                                                         —Yo Klein (no relation), Reader's Digest

QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

                                                          —Robin Williams


SHAMELESS PROMOTION OF THE MONTH:

Loss hurts...but it is also one of our greatest teachers. Find out more in:

Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying: Embracing Life After Loss

(Goodman Beck Publishing, 2011. Foreword by Rabbi Earl A. Grollman)

Available at: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or

http://www.allenklein.com/Learn_laugh.htm (Quantity discounts available)

MidMonth Mirth Memo - June 2012

JOKE OF THE MONTH:
"I bought SPF 75 sunscreen. I squeezed the tube, and out came a wool sweater."
                                                                                                       -Mike Wiley


FUNNY NEWS OF THE MONTH:
A bar called Drummond's (in Mt Vernon, Texas) began construction on
an expansion of their building, hoping to "grow" their business. In response,
the local Southern Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from
expanding.

About a week before the bar's grand re-opening, a bolt of lightning struck
the bar and burned it to the ground!

Afterward, the church folks were rather smug - bragging about "the power of prayer".

The angry bar owner eventually sued the church on grounds that the church...
"Was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, through direct
actions or indirect means." Of course, the church vehemently denied all responsibility
or any connection to the building's demise.

The judge read carefully through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply.

He then opened the hearing by saying:
"I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that
what we have here is a bar owner who now believes in the power of prayer, and an
entire church congregation that does not."


QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
"People always ask me how long it takes to do my hair. I don't know. I'm never there."
                                                                    -Dolly Parton


SHAMELESS PROMOTION OF THE MONTH:
Be the first on your block to get my latest book to be published this Fall.  
The Art of Living Joyfully can be pre-ordered now at: http://tinyurl.com/7s5osxz

MidMonth Mirth Memo - May 2012

NEWS OF THE MONTH:

Spirit airlines recently announced that it will charge $100 to put a carry-on bag in the overhead bin.
What next you ask? Well here is what readers of Week magazine thought might be a couple of future
surcharges:

*$9 fee for bumping your head on the overhead bin as you take your seat; $3 additional penalty for
looking up at the bin after you bump into it.

*In the unlikely event of loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down. To start the flow of oxygen, simply insert your credit card…



BOOK TITLES OF THE MONTH:

Not sure how good a read these are but here are some actual amusing book titles:

Cooking with Pooh

If God Loves Me, Why Can't I Get My Locker Open?

I'm Changing the Locks & Cementing the Windows: How to Keep the Kids from Coming Back



LAUGHS OF THE MONTH:

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

Mid-Month Mirth Memo- April 2012

JOKES OF THE MONTH (for tax day, of course):

Did you hear about the cannibal tax accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.

                                        *****

If a tax man and a lawyer were both drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch
or read the paper?

                                        *****

A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off a
truck in front of him.

Seconds later a policeman pulls him over for reckless driving. As the policeman starts to write the
ticket he notices the box was full of nails and tacks.

"I had to swerve or I'd have run over those and blown all my tires!" protests the driver.

"OK", replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."

"What for?!" asked the man.

"Tacks evasion", answered the policeman.



QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:

"Kindle is like phone sex. It's OK when you're out of town but it's not the real thing." 

                                                                                                      -Jeanette Winterson



AUDIO-BOOK OF THE MONTH:

April is National Humor Month. Celebrate with it with TEACHER-LAUGHS audio-book.

Free sample listen at: http:tinyurl.com/7spdopo (click under cover artwork)

Mid-Month Mirth Memo- March 2012

PARAPROSDOKIANS* OF THE MONTH:

(*Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase
is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.)

-Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
-Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.
-In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify: 'I write DOCTOR.'"
-Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
-I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.



JOKES OF THE MONTH:

A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I'm addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don't follow you..."

***

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"


DEAL OF THE MONTH:
Save over $7 on the L.A.U.G.H. Activity book & CD for therapists/counselor/clients
Hurry…offer ends Monday 03/19/12.  Use key code WAHG.
http://store.guidance-group.com/LAUGH-Activity-Book/productinfo/1495/

Mid-Month Mirth Memo- February 2012

SILLY STUFF OF THE MONTH:

Google recently found that a woman was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said:

"Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital."

JOKE OF THE MONTH:

"What's with his weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow?

I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter."

                                                                                                          -Jerry Seinfeld

QUESTION OF THE MONTH:

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

CELEBRATION OF THE MONTH:

Did you know that February 15th is Allen Klein's Day?

Check it out at:

http://allenklein.blogspot.com/2011/02/happy-allen-kleins-day_11.html#comment-form

BOOK & CD OF THE MONTH:

L.A.U.G.H.: Using Humor and Play to Help Clients Cope...

60 Therapeutic, Perspective Building, Life-Changing Activities for Therapists and Counselors

to Use with Individuals and Groups  (Book & CD pub. by Wellness Reproductions, 2010)

Available: Amazon at http://amzn.to/y8mQec or http://www.allenklein.com/LAUGH.html

Every Day Can Be Valentine’s Day

 

I love February because it contains Valentine’s Day…the day set aside to tell people we love them.

But shouldn’t we really be doing that everyday?

Of course, but we forget…until someone or something reminds us to do so.

That reminder came to me the other day via email. It was totally unexpected and totally a surprise but very much appreciated. It made my day…no…it made my month…maybe even my year.

The email came from a colleague of mine. We are both members of the National Speakers Association and we chat briefly whenever we see each other at a meeting, which hasn't been for a long time. That’s what made the email even more special. A “love letter” out of the blue.

Here is what my speaking-buddy wrote:

Hey Pal,

I was just in Las Vegas at a conference of credit counselors and after the event a woman came up to me and told me all about you.  I listened quietly and did not interrupt her as she told me about your work, your books and what a loving soul you are.  She then told me about how much someone like me could learn from you.  I agreed and I shared with her then that you have always been a hero of mine and that I had met you and highly respected you.  She then asked me if I'd ever told you what an impact you'd had on my life and career and I said no so she told me to write to you!  I do what I'm told, but I'm embarrassed not to have done it before.

It's funny my friend - I don't think I've ever told you.  It is important to me that you know what a cornerstone you have been in my career and how much I've admired you and your work over the years.  Thanks so much for all you've done for all of us who aspire to be as good as you are on the platform and off.

           

            You’re a good man, Allen.

Of course, my head is swelling with such praise. But that is not the reason I've shared the email with you. I share it because I want you to write your own “love letter” to someone who has influenced your life. Someone who has made your life better. Someone, perhaps, who you have never acknowledged before.

And don’t wait until February 14th to do it. Write the letter now, and to others throughout the year. Make every day Valentine’s Day.