Living, Losing, and Laughing

Mid-Month Mirth Memo- February 2012

2012-02-15T13:57:00.000-08:00

SILLY STUFF OF THE MONTH:

Google recently found that a woman was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said:

"Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital."

JOKE OF THE MONTH:

"What's with his weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow?

I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter."

-Jerry Seinfeld

QUESTION OF THE MONTH:

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

CELEBRATION OF THE MONTH:

Did you know that February 15th is Allen Klein's Day?

Check it out at:

http://allenklein.blogspot.com/2011/02/happy-allen-kleins-day_11.html#comment-form

BOOK & CD OF THE MONTH:

L.A.U.G.H.: Using Humor and Play to Help Clients Cope...

60 Therapeutic, Perspective Building, Life-Changing Activities for Therapists and Counselors

to Use with Individuals and Groups (Book & CD pub. by Wellness Reproductions, 2010)

Available: Amazon at http://amzn.to/y8mQec or http://www.allenklein.com/LAUGH.html

Every Day Can Be Valentine’s Day

2012-02-06T13:32:00.000-08:00

I love February because it contains Valentine’s Day…the day set aside to tell people we love them.

But shouldn’t we really be doing that everyday?

Of course, but we forget…until someone or something reminds us to do so.

That reminder came to me the other day via email. It was totally unexpected and totally a surprise but very much appreciated. It made my day…no…it made my month…maybe even my year.

The email came from a colleague of mine. We are both members of the National Speakers Association and we chat briefly whenever we see each other at a meeting, which hasn't been for a long time. That’s what made the email even more special. A “love letter” out of the blue.

Here is what my speaking-buddy wrote:

Hey Pal,

I was just in Las Vegas at a conference of credit counselors and after the event a woman came up to me and told me all about you. I listened quietly and did not interrupt her as she told me about your work, your books and what a loving soul you are. She then told me about how much someone like me could learn from you. I agreed and I shared with her then that you have always been a hero of mine and that I had met you and highly respected you. She then asked me if I'd ever told you what an impact you'd had on my life and career and I said no so she told me to write to you! I do what I'm told, but I'm embarrassed not to have done it before.

It's funny my friend - I don't think I've ever told you. It is important to me that you know what a cornerstone you have been in my career and how much I've admired you and your work over the years. Thanks so much for all you've done for all of us who aspire to be as good as you are on the platform and off.

You’re a good man, Allen.

Of course, my head is swelling with such praise. But that is not the reason I've shared the email with you. I share it because I want you to write your own “love letter” to someone who has influenced your life. Someone who has made your life better. Someone, perhaps, who you have never acknowledged before.

And don’t wait until February 14th to do it. Write the letter now, and to others throughout the year. Make every day Valentine’s Day.

Because Sometimes Funeral Planning Is Funny...

2012-01-31T11:55:00.000-08:00

(Thanks to Jenny Hansen for this piece which was originally posted on her More Cowbell blog.)

No, I haven’t fallen off my rocker on this fine Monday morning. I’ve got my mama on my mind. You see, I gardened over the weekend, putting in about 100 daffodil bulbs. Gardening and baking are inextricably tied to my mother, since she taught me to do both.

A quick run-down about my mom, who passed away at age 65 back in January of 2004…

3 words to describe her: compassionate, generous, irreverent.
She was completely, incredibly awesome. Really.
She was a tall woman (6’1″) and the first female to letter in 5 sports at her high school.
A nurse for 43 years, she spent much of that time in Oncology.
She was married to my father for less than 10 years and spent the rest of her life single.
Maxine cartoons remind us all of her…in our family she was known as ”the Queen of the One-Liner.” My mama was a stitch.

The night she died, we all quibbled over her Xanax stash, knowing we’d need it to get some sleep before doing all the work death involves. Any of you who’ve done this know there’s a million important details to get through.

My brother and I had lots of help but some of the duties just naturally fell to us. We put my mom’s purse off for a day or so, but the time came to sort through it.

When we got to her wallet, we found all these slips of paper with beautiful quotes on friendship. Of course, I cried, so my brother patted me and kept going through all the other stuff she had tucked in there.

All of a sudden, he elbows me and says, “Sis…check this out,” and hands me a stack of bright orange cards.

“What is it?” I sniffled, not reaching to take them.

“Just read it!” I grabbed them, looked down, and burst out laughing (language alert here). In huge bold letters, they said:

If you fuck like you park,
you’ll never get it in.

“Oh my Jesus. She has a whole stash of these things?”

“Obviously she’s putting these on people’s cars when they piss her off.” My brother snatched them back. ”I could use these things. Do you mind if I keep ‘em?”

When I spoke to the minister later that day, he asked if I’d made decisions about what to include in my mom’s service.

I was telling him about the beautiful messages we’d found in her wallet when my brother started yelling from down the hall. “Are you going to tell him what ELSE you found in her wallet??!”

I covered the phone and yelled back. “No I’m not telling him! Are you crazy?”

I ignored all the choice comments from my Bag Whore brother and got back on the phone with the minister, apologizing for how loud my brother was.

His first words were, “So, you’re not going to tell me??”

I blushed so hard, I thought I’d faint. “I’d rather not. There’s cursing involved.”

“Oh, come on… Your mom was a spicy lady. I’d love to hear.”

Obviously he missed her as much as we did, so I told him and he busted a gut laughing.

My aunts were horrified when I relayed the conversation. At the same time, they both wailed, “YOU TOLD THE MINISTER??!”

They all live in a fairly small town in mid-Missouri so I apologized and promised to mind my manners from there on out.

Then we got to the funeral parlor…

Like most of the big events in my family, we all showed up to offer support. I had aunts, uncles and cousins sitting alongside my brother and I. Plus, my mom’s best friend was there. We’d just gathered for my grandmother’s service the prior year, so we assumed the place was used to the likes of us.

Obviously, the previous funeral director hadn’t shared with the new guy that we travel in packs during times of need. He looked at all 14 of us and said he’d be back with more chairs.

Once we were all seated in a circle, with my brother and I on either side of Mr. Funeral Director, we hashed out the service (which involves a lot of people shouting it out when they think of it).

When we got to the end, I said, ”I know it might sound kind of morbid, but if any of you would like some of her ashes, you may have them.”

My cousin, Aaron (who was an irrepressible 30 year old at the time), looked at Mr. Funeral Man and said, “So how many ashes are we talking about?”

The funeral director looked like he’d swallowed a toad.

“Um…well. Uh, they come in plastic bag inside a hard plastic case about this big by this big.” And he moved his hands to demonstrate a 10 x 14 x 4 inch bag.

My brother reared back, looking completely offended. “That’s IT?? That’s all we get!?! She was a BIG GIRL!”

The room went completely silent.

The funeral director’s mouth opened and closed like a guppy.

Then the snickers started…

They spread around the room until we were all laughing so hard we couldn’t stop.

My uncle (who’d been in the restroom) came FLYING into the room. “You guys need to CUT IT OUT. There’s people crying and grieving out there and you’re in here laughing and carrying on.”

He turned to the funeral director and shook his hand. “Thank you for your time. We need to GO.” He sent the lot of us a stern look that promised we’d be sorry if we didn’t STOP LAUGHING.

I swear, we tried. We just couldn’t stop.

We stumbled out of the funeral home, clutching our sides and gasping for breath, running for our cars so we could collapse in private. Then we all toddled off to lunch at my mom’s favorite burger joint and laughed some more.

Here’s what I know, all these years later: My mother watched us giggle our way through most of her funeral arrangements and, wherever she was, she LOVED it. I wouldn’t go back and change any of it.

Well, except for keeping her here so she could make me laugh that hard in person.

Mid-Month Mirth Memo: January 2012

2012-01-15T19:21:00.000-08:00

QUESTIONS OF THE MONTH:
Do Lipton Tea employees take 'coffee breaks?'

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

JOKE OF THE MONTH (an oldie but goodie):
A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments.
"My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."
"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fourth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.
"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said another.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
The others nodded in agreement.
"Well, count your Blessings," said a woman cheerfully..."Thank God we can all still drive".

QUOTATION OF THE MONTH:
When asked, "How would you go about achieving world peace if you had the time?"
Woody Allen responded:
"I think universal harmony is a pipe-dream and it may be more productive to focus on
more modest goals, like a ban on yodeling."

BOOK OF THE MONTH:
The Healing Power of Humor.
Now in a 39th printing and 9th foreign language translation.

Have you read it yet? Available at Amazon, Barnes&Noble and other online booksellers, as well as from your local bookstore and http://www.allenklein.com/healing.htm

Be Kind

2012-01-04T17:24:00.000-08:00

Too often we underestimate the powerof a touch, a smile, a kind

word, a listening ear, an honestaccomplishment, or the smallest act

of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a lifearound.

-Leo Buscaglia, authorand motivational speaker

A couple of years ago, I was hired to do a weekendretreat with burn survivors, their families, and their caregivers. I wasbrought in to teach them how to lighten up.

It was the first time I had ever worked with peoplewho were severely burned. It was also the longest amount of time I had everspent with any group in my twenty-plus years of being a professional speaker.On Friday night, I had an introductory session with them. On Saturday, they allparticipated in my all-day workshop. And finally, on Sunday morning, a wrap-upsegment. It was the most challenging workshop I had ever done in my speakingcareer, and perhaps the most gratifying.

I didn’t know how I could possibly teach people tolaugh when they had been through such a horrific ordeal. I didn’t know how Iwould react to their disfigurement. I didn’t know how I could sustain such along period of time with them. Would I have enough material to fill theweekend? Would it be relevant to them? After all, they had been through hell. Ihadn’t.

The truth was that all my fears were unfounded.They loved what I did. They jumped at any chance to laugh. And once I got overthe initial shock of seeing their deformities, all I could see was theirradiant spirit. They didn’t know it, but they taught me more than I taughtthem.

They taught me about courage.

They taught me about unconditional love as Iwatched their caretakers attend to the survivor’s every need.

They taught me that in spite of what they wentthrough, they could laugh. In fact, they craved it.

One of the processes I did with them was a realeye-opener both for them and for me. I showed them a video of another burnsurvivor, a professional-speaker colleague of mine named W. Mitchell. He wasnot only severely burned in a motorcycle accident but just as he was recoveringfrom that ordeal he lost the use of his legs when his private plane crashed.

After viewing the video, I asked each person in thegroup to make a list of all the qualities in Mitchell that they most admired. Ithen asked them to highlight three of those qualities that they also saw inthemselves. Each person in the room then shared those qualities with the group.There were many tears shed as the burn survivors realized that they too werecourageous, heroic, and brave.

The reason I’m sharing this story with you is thatqualities that you admire in others are some of the same qualities you havewithin yourself. And this goes for both the qualities you admire and those thatperhaps repel you.

So the next time some negative aspect of someoneannoys you, remember that you probably have that same quality within you too.The best you can do in that situation, therefore, is to be kind to thembecause, on some level, you are just like them.

Mid-Month Mirth Memo December 2011

2011-12-15T11:07:00.000-08:00

JOKES OF THE MONTH:

A friend of mine just phoned me to say that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in.

***

A stark-naked woman jumps into a taxi and gives the cabbie an address.

The cabbie just looks at her, making no attempts to drive.

“What are you staring at?” the woman asks. “Haven’t you seen a naked woman before?”

“I’m not staring,” he replies.

“Well, if you’re not staring, what are you doing?”

“Wondering where you’re keeping you money to pay me.”

—Reader’s Digest

***

A nun in a convent goes up to the Mother Superior. “Mother Superior, we have a case of syphilis in the Rectory!”

The Mother Superior replies, “Thank goodness! I’ve gotten tired of the Merlot.”

BOOKS OF THE MONTH:
This year, give a gift that keeps on giving.
Inspiration for a Lifetime
and
Change Your Life!: A Little Book of Big Ideas
600 quotations in specific categories in each book.
Available @ Amazon, B&N, & on Kindle & Nook.
http://amzn.to/cgf2Jm and/or http://amzn.to/dhMQbY

Using Humor At a Memorial Service

2011-12-07T17:10:00.000-08:00

Guest Blog by John Kinde*

For many people, speaking at a funeral or memorial service is one
of the most difficult speaking challenges. When faced with making
meaningful tribute comments, humor is often a friend and the
perfect tool.

On November 19 I presented an Observational Humor monologue near
the end of a memorial service for PowerHouse Pros club member
Pam Shinkle. Since that time I've been reflecting on the pro's
and con's of using humor at a funeral or memorial service.

1. A natural stress reliever. Humor is the perfect tool when
delivering comments at a memorial service. Emotions run high
and people are usually ready for a break in the tension. They
want to laugh. You want to do it right and avoid the risk of
"the wrong humor at the wrong time."

2. Less-is-more. That's a rule of humor that definitely applies
at memorial services. A little humor goes a long way.
Presenting a lot of humor may be perceived by many as, "Does he
think this is a comedy club?"

3. A funny story. For most people, opening with one humorous line
or funny story is perfect. It sets the scene for sharing touching
memories. The humor can evolve naturally from the story. A
humorous true story, unlike a stock joke, won't seem force-fit
into the talk. A funny story is a great way to remember the good
and fun times. It reflects positively on you and the honoree.

4. Book ends. Ideally, when I give a talk or a monologue, I like
to use book ends. That's a device where I open my remarks and
close my remarks using humor which is on the same theme. One of
the speakers in the middle of the program was Sherrie Parker,
wife of the emcee, Bill Parker. Sherrie commented that she was
going to hug and kiss the emcee. She received a good laugh.

When I was introduced I set the first book end with, "I'm glad I
was asked to be on the program...since I now realize that when I'm
done, I can give Bill a hug and a kiss." That laid the groundwork
for the second bookend to close my remarks. When I was apparently
finished speaking, I returned control of the service to Bill. He
extended his arm to shake hands. I moved towards him with open
arms indicating I expected a hug. So he hugged me. And I kissed
him on the cheek. Since it appeared that I had completed my
remarks, the unexpected kiss greatly magnified the element of
surprise. A huge laugh.

5. Your expertise. The less experience you have using humor, the
more cautious you must be. I've had over 30 years experience as
a humor professional, and I'd almost never present a humor monologue
at a memorial service. There are exceptions: Does the program
have an underlying theme of humor? Are the other speakers using
lots of humor? Have you been specifically asked to do a humor
set? Avoid the temptation of doing lots of humor just because
you CAN.

6. The format of the service. If it's a typical memorial service,
a funny story is the perfect way do deliver a smile and a laugh.
If it's a roast format, it opens the door to lots of humor. Pam
Shinkle's service was in the format of a Toastmasters meeting.
Therefore, the type of humor normally used at a meeting would
likely be acceptable and expected. At our club meetings, we
always have a segment reserved for Observational humor. I was
introduced as the Observational Humor Master.

7. What would the honoree like? Was the person of honor a
stand-up comedian? Did the honoree have a great sense of humor
and frequently use humor? Would he or she laugh at your humor
if present at the service? In the case of Pam's service, it was
known that her favorite part of each meeting was the Observational
Humor segment. We would have been missing something if we had
not included a significant amount of humor.

8. The tribute. If you're presenting humor at a memorial service,
don't get so tied up in the humor that you forget the tribute.
Presentations at a memorial service should normally contain
elements of praise...nice things about the honoree. Since my
remarks were mostly humorous, I made some serious remarks about
Pam's sense of humor: "Most people thought that Pam knew
everything. But she didn't. She thought she wasn't funny...she
was wrong. She WAS funny. She was funny...because she thought
she wasn't. She was funny because she didn't try too hard to be
funny. She was funny because she was smart and could see the
humorous connections. She was funny because she understood the
chemistry of humor. She was funny because she didn't take herself
too seriously. She knew how to poke fun at herself. And she was
a carrier of humor. Pam would be the first to laugh at YOUR jokes.
We'll miss the laughter and smiles which Pam brought to our lives."

9. Test the water. What are other people doing? Are others using
humor in their remarks? Is their humor getting a good response?
People who are on the agenda before you can tell you whether or
not "the water's just fine."

The presiding minister opened the program with humor. She was a
non-Toastmaster and had done her homework. She knew that
Toastmaster members are encouraged to present speeches which
fulfill "manual projects," so that they can complete the speaker's
manual and get achievement recognition. Early in her opening
comments she said she might be in trouble, "I didn't bring my
manual." A good line and it paved the way for more humor to
follow in the nearly two-hour program.

Before I spoke at the service, Eric Culverson, an experienced
stand-up comedian, presented a Top Ten list...Ten Ways It's No
Longer Business as Usual in Heaven. It received an excellent
response from the audience.

Eric's Top Ten List, and the humorous comments of at least ten
other presenters, told me that using humor was appropriate.
You'll need to make a judgment call, if the humor of other
speakers is getting laughs, whether or not it's appropriate.
A word of caution: Just because a joke gets a laugh, doesn't
mean that it was timely and in good taste. It's important that
you don't fall into the trap of thinking someone else has paved
the way for you, when in fact they offended people and set land
mines for speakers who followed them.

10. Personal humor. Focus your humor on the honoree. And keep
it positive. Don't be afraid to mention some of the honoree's
notable quirks, but keep it respectful.

- Remember the fun times.
- Think of times when you laughed together.
- Think of embarrassing moments.
- Think of examples of self-deprecating humor.
- Look for stories which are common knowledge.
- Look for mistakes or mis-understandings.

A common theme of jokes centered around Pam as a short person. She
might have been shorter than five feet tall. Since I'm tall (six
feet three inches), and the fact that the program was running
long, it would open the door for me to begin with: "I'll be short."

Another common theme of jokes during the program centered around
Pam's intelligence. She was smart and seemingly knew everything.
That set the stage for my personalizing an old joke to fit the
occasion. "A few years ago I saw an ad in the paper: Encyclopedia
set for sale...Wife knows everything. So I called the number.
Bryant answered the phone." Excellent response. And Bryant
laughed too.

11. Avoid generic death and funeral jokes. There is a joke going
around, "I noticed there was a fence around the cemetery. I asked
a grounds keeper if the fence was there because people were trying
to escape. He said the fence was there because people were dying
to get in." In the right circumstances, it's a good joke. But
it's inappropriate for a funeral.

12. Go to school. Each time you attend a memorial service, even
if you're not on the program, note how the presenters use humor.
What type of humor? What works and what doesn't? Let the success
and failure of others strengthen your presentations.

13. When in doubt. If you ask yourself the question, "Is this
joke inappropriate?" The answer is probably YES, just because
you asked the question. Always err on the side of caution. When
in doubt...leave it out.

Remember that humor and memorial services go together. The stress
and tension of losing a loved one can be broken with a healthy
laugh. The next time you say a few words at a service, consider
sprinkling your remarks with a little humor. It's a great way
to honor someone you care about.

*Website:
www.HumorPower.com

*Blog:
www.HumorPower.com/blog

*Newsletter:
http://humorpower.com/articles_free.html

Never Leave Home Without It...Your Sense of Humor, That Is

2011-11-29T10:41:00.000-08:00

10 Tips to Lighten Up Holiday Hassles

The holidays are filled with many Maalox moments—over-crowded stores, airport/ highway travel, last minute shopping, and not enough time to get it all done. While these, and other annoyances, are ripe for stress, they are also opportunities to test your sense of humor and turn these Maalox moments into more mirthful ones.

Below are ten things you can do to add more joy to this joyous season.

1- Carry some small reminder around with you to remember to lighten up. Some bubbles perhaps? A red clown nose? A photo of your playful child or pet?

2- Wrap your gifts in the Sunday newspaper funnies. They are colorful, fun, and could save you a bundle of money on expensive gift-wrapping paper.

3- Try some random acts of silliness. For example:

-Wear mismatched gloves or socks… on purpose!

-Page yourself over the intercom!

-If and when a store clerk, restaurant server or flight attendant asks matter-of-factly "How are you today?" try replies such as, "Well medicated. And you?"

4- Have some funny signs around your office or home to remind you to lighten up. For example:

-Never wrestle with a pig - you both get dirty and the pig likes it.

-You don't have to be crazy to work here…but it sure helps!

-If we're closed, just slide the money under the door!

Or, put a sign on your bathroom mirror which reads, “This person is not to be taken seriously.”

5- Pop goes your stress. Save the bubble wrap you get when buying fragile items. Pop it with your fingers, knees and toes! Sit on it. Dance on it. Pop it with young children.

6- Remind yourself what is really important in life. So what if someone doesn’t get a gift before Christmas? It might be even more special after Christmas when it’s not competing with all the other gifts.

7- Let a smile be your umbrella. This simple choice is yours. You can frown and be miserable or you can wear a smile and watch it rub off on others.

8- Go see a funny holiday movie or live show. There are many choices this time of year.

9- Focus on the positive. Write down all the great things you love about the holidays. Keep the list handy when annoyances arise. And share them with others. You will probably hear something uplifting that you forgot to put on your list.

10- Take a tour of downtown department store windows. In bigger cities, they are always fanciful, fun, and often a magical holiday experience.

Finally, to get you started on the right track…

A nun in a convent goes up to the Mother Superior. “Mother Superior, we have a case of syphilis in the Rectory!”

The Mother Superior replies, “Thank goodness! I’ve gotten tired of the Merlot.”

Happy holiday!

>>>

Allen Klein is the world’s only “Jollytologist”, a professional speaker, and author of 17 books including The Healing Power of Humor, Change Your Life!: A Little Book of Big Ideas, and Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying. www.allenklein.com

Mid-Month Mirth Memo

2011-11-15T11:30:00.000-08:00

The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony. It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein www.allenklein.com

NOVEMBER 2011

THANKFUL THOUGHT OF THE MONTH:

(In honor of Thanksgiving)

Everyday I am thankful for something in my life.

Today I'm thankful that the photographer was not standing on the other side.

SIGN OF THE MONTH:

(In honor of Social Media)

"In case of fire, exit building before TWEETING about it."

JOKE OF THE MONTH:

(In honor of National Hospice Month)

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death’s doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table, were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

“Stay away from those,” she said. “They’re for the funeral!”

BOOK OF THE MONTH:

(To you deal with holiday stress)

The Healing Power of Humor: Techniques for Getting through Loss, Setbacks, Upsets, Disappointments, Difficulties, Trials, Tribulations, and All That Not-So-Funny Stuff

http://www.allenklein.com/healing.htm

Mid-Month Mirth Memo: October,2011

2011-10-12T19:32:00.000-07:00

OCTOBER 2011

PUNS OF THE MONTH:

Former Miss Russia, previously arrested for forging prescriptions, now busted for shoplifting. Cops say she still hasn’t gotten her Berings Strait.

Police arrest man for stealing stenography machines. He wants a short sentence.

—from Readers Digest

SIGN OF THE MONTH:

The new city hall in Chandler, Arizona, is ecofriendly and uses recycled gray water in the toilets. Just to be safe, a sign went up in the bathrooms warning employees not to drink out of the toilets. “I’m glad I saw that sign because I was very thirsty,” deadpanned the mayor.

—from azcentral.com

JOKE OF THE MONTH:

A woman rubs a lamp and out pops a genie. “You’re a kind lady, so I’ll grant you one wish,” the genie tells her.

“See this cat? I’d rather have a strong, handsome man,” she says.

The genie agrees and—poof!—the cat turns into a Brad Pitt clone. The woman leaps into his lap.

“Do you have anything to say before we make love?” she asks.

“Yes,” he says. “I bet you wish you hadn’t had me neutered last week.”

BOOK OF THE MONTH:

The holidays are fast approaching. Why give the same old gift when you can give the book that keeps on giving? Inspiration for a Lifetime: Words of Wisdom, Delight and Possibility.

You Can't Ruin My Day: Just Say "Yes"

2011-10-03T19:34:00.000-07:00

WAKE-UP CALL # 2

If the shutters are closed, the sunlight cannot come in.

-Eckhart Tolle, author/spiritual teacher

Years ago, I took an improvisation class. Improvisation is the art of creating something from whatever is presented to you. One of the things we learned in the class, and a cornerstone of improvisational technique, was called “Yes, And…” It means that one of the improvisers will say or do something and, without rejecting it, the other improviser will accept it and add something new to the action.

Basically, it is a method of being willing to accept what is given to you. Before you can have anything change in your life, you have to be willing for it to change. I’m going to repeat that because it is an extremely simple concept but a difficult one to fully comprehend.

“Before you can have anything change in your life, you have to be willing for it to change.” They keys words here are “be willing.”

Things don’t change by themselves; there has to be some energy behind them to get things moving. If you want something to be other than the way it is, the first question you need to ask yourself is “Am I willing?”— “Am I willing for things to change? Am I willing for things to be different?” “Am I willing not to let anything or anyone upset me?”

Saying “Yes” to these things may not be comfortable; in fact it may be very difficult but if you want to move from where you are now, either physically or mentally, to somewhere else, you must be willing to do so in spite of the discomfort.

When I wanted to be a professional speaker, in order to share my message about the therapeutic value of humor, it was not easy. I almost failed speech class in college so getting up in front of a group was terrifying. But saying, “Yes” and being willing to do whatever it took empowered me to rise above my fear and share my message anyway. Saying “Yes”, and being willing to do whatever it took empowered me to keep going even when it looked like I might not get to a speaking engagement due to the forces of nature. Saying “Yes” and being willing to do whatever it took also empowered me to get my first book published when others told me it was impossible.

Being willing and saying “Yes” can empower you to face your current roadblocks.

START-UP:

What can you say “yes” to this week?

LIGHTEN UP:

An eager and willing, but less than bright, young entrepreneur decides to go into the painting business. So he wanders into the rich part of town, paint brush in hand, and knocks at the door of a large house.

"Good day, sir. I was wondering if you had any painting you need done."

The owner of the house, a rich man by any standard, looks speculatively at the painter. He perceives a vibrant entrepreneurial spirit, which reminds him of his own ambition in his younger days.

"Hmmm. Yes, I think my porch needs a coat or two of paint."

The eager young painter rushes off around the side of the house...

Several hours later, he returns to the front door, his clothes dripping paint, and knocks again.

"Sir, I've finished! But I have to tell you, that wasn't a porch, it was a Ferarri."

YOU CAN'T RUIN MY DAY: Getting to Know You

2011-09-21T20:13:00.000-07:00

Wake-Up Call #1

We must learn to accept life and to accept ourselves with a shrug and a smile . . .

because it’s all we’ve got.

-Harvey Mindess, author

Until you accept things the way they are and realize that you can’t change other people except perhaps by setting an example of how you would like them to be, you will be hard pressed to find a lot of happiness in your life.

If you had a horse, for example, and you wanted to go in one direction and the horse you are riding wants to go in another, sorry folks, but it ain’t gonna work. No amount of pulling or tugging, kicking or screaming, pleading, or prodding will make the horse go where you want it to go if the horse doesn’t want to go there. And, don’t forget, he is much bigger than you. So accepting the place where the horse is headed is easier.

To be a contented, and have a great day every day, you need to accept other people as they are, not the way you want them to be. I’m not saying not to try to make the world better. But it is useless to keep knocking your head against the wall trying to change things that can’t be changed.

Wake-Up:

Every time you encounter someone who upsets you, stop and ask yourself, “What is it that annoys me about that person? Chances are that quality that you don't like is something you also have or you probably would not have noticed it in someone else. It is probably something you also need to accept in yourself.

Lighten Up:

Nasreddin, a satirical Sufi figure, was walking along the street when he sees a mirror lying on the curb.

“Oh! what a waste," says Nasrudin, “a good mirror thrown away like that.”

So he picks it up and looks in it, then he discards it too.

“No wonder they threw the mirror away", he says, "What a face! Who’d want to look at a face like that!”

Mid-Month Mirth Memo: September 2011

2011-09-15T11:15:00.000-07:00

The Mid-Month Mirth Memo is a short amusing tidbit to brighten middle of the month monotony.
It is brought to you by best-selling author, award-winning speaker, "Jollytologist" ® Allen Klein www.allenklein.com

PUNS OF THE MONTH:

I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here. I'll go on a head."

She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

THOUGHTS OF THE MONTH:

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Some people are like a Slinky - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

JOKE OF THE MONTH:

“Are your mother and father in?” asked one instructor when a small boy opened the door.

“Well,” said the boy, “they was in but they is out now.”

“They was in? They is out?” said the shocked teacher, “Where is your grammar?”

“Oh,” said the boy, “she’s upstairs takin’ a bath.” —Steve Allen

NEW AUDIO-BOOK OF THE MONTH:

TeacherLaughs: Quips, Quotes, and Anecdotes about the Classroom

by Allen Klein

http://www.audible.com/pd/ref=sr_1_1?asin=B005KJZTC0&qid=1314920894&sr=1-1

New Reseach: Laughter is Good for the Heart

2011-09-05T10:20:00.000-07:00

Article by Michael O'Riordan. Complete article at:

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/748773?src=mpnews&spon=12

August 29, 2011 (Paris, France) — A series of studies presented this week here at the European Society of Cardiology (ESC) 2011 Congress highlight the role of laughter, positive thinking, anger, and job stress on developing cardiovascular events. Presenting results during a press conference entitled "Don't worry, be happy," the research had a serious side to it, stressing that anger and job stress are linked to higher cardiovascular event rates, while laughter and cognitive behavior therapy can lower the risk.

Dr Michael Miller (University of Maryland Medical School, Baltimore), the lead investigator of a study examining the link between endothelial function and laughter, said the purpose of his study was to examine the link between positive emotional health achieved through laughter and the subsequent effect on the vasculature.

"We want to maintain good vascular health, and we do that by maintaining a good diet and good regular physical activity, but it turns out that emotions also play an important role here," Miller told the media during a morning press conference. "What we've done in our study is to really promote laughter by showing movies, or segments from Saturday Night Live and other things, to really make people laugh. We appreciate that when we get a good sustained belly laugh, we feel good. That's the point of this--if we feel good, and not just go, 'ha ha,' but get a good belly laugh, does this translate into changes in vascular function?"

In their study, the researchers tested the effects of humorous and stressful movies on endothelial function. Subjects were shown the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan, an intense 15-minute segment that takes place June 6, 1944 and shows Allied forces storming the beach of Normandy. Researchers were also shown segments of There's Something about Mary, Shallow Hal, and Kingpin, all comedies.

After each movie, endothelial function was measured. After watching the scene from Saving Private Ryan, blood vessels constricted by as much as 30% to 50%, whereas vasodilation occurred when investigators measured vascular function in subjects watching the comedies. They also observed that vasoconstriction and vasodilation can occur quickly, with the funny movies reversing blood-vessel contraction that occurred after watching the stressful D-Day scene.

Miller said the vasoconstrictive and vasodilative effects lasted for about an hour, although other researchers have seen the benefits of laughter on vascular function extended to 24 hours. He added that the magnitude of change in the blood vessel is similar to the effects observed with statins and physical activity. "We think the effect is fairly long lasting, considering you're only laughing for about 10 or 15 minutes," said Miller.

Learning to Laugh in the Face of Adversity

2011-08-30T10:50:00.001-07:00

(The following article is reprinted from National Clearinghouse on Families and Youth online site.
http://ncfy.acf.hhs.gov/the-beat/2011/08/learning-to-laugh)

Whether you’re a youth worker feeling overburdened or you’re working with a young person who's feeling angry, fearful, or depressed, adding humor into your day can benefit you both.

So says Allen Klein, author of The Healing Power of Humor and Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying, who often carries around a red clown nose in case the situation calls for it.

Laughing provides both psychological and physical benefits that help people better cope with any situation, Klein says. “Psychologically, noticing humor even in stressful situations allows people to gain more perspective and not feel so caught up in what’s happening in their lives. Physically, laughing gives all the systems a workout and relieves tension.”

And laughter is contagious, he says, so once a youth worker points out something funny, it can lighten the mood for everyone around them, including youth.

Developing a positive attitude and the skills to use humor productively may not happen overnight. Klein offered some tips and considerations for incorporating humor into youth work.

Laughing Matters

Klein developed an acronym based on the word “LAUGH” to help folks remember how to find humor every day.

L is for “let go” of whatever is angering or distressing you. Take a couple of deep breaths and recognize that you have the power to rise above whatever is bothering you. This enables you to become more aware of how you view a situation and to think about changing your attitude.

A is for “attitude.” We can’t control what happens to us, but we can respond to our experiences with a positive attitude. The way we respond is more important than the actual events, Klein explained.

U is for “you,” because only you can change your attitude or let go.

G is for “go do it,” or use what you find in the previous steps to give yourself a more positive and hopeful perspective, and

H is for “humor eyes and ears.” “Humor is all around us all the time, but we don’t always notice it,” Klein says. Look around and notice something you didn’t see before, like a bumper sticker, for example, that may make you laugh.

The Power of Humor

Klein urges youth workers to recognize that humor is a very powerful thing that can both help and hurt. “Develop a rapport with young people first, listen to see what they joke about, and be careful not to poke fun at sensitive topics,” he told us. But you don’t have to worry about staying current with the latest jokes to incorporate humor successfully. Instead, “the most effective opportunities for humor are often right in front of our noses,” Klein says.

You can also ask yourself or have youth ask themselves, “What funny things have happened while I was homeless?” or “What funny things have happened in the shelter?” Sometimes you don’t see it until you ask yourself to find something funny.

You can even suggest that youth try to find one funny thing each day, Klein suggests. “When people realize they can tell a joke about themselves and make others laugh, they see ‘If I can laugh about this, maybe it’s not so tragic.’”

Laughter and Tears

2011-08-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

Years ago, I used to manage a retreat that focused on death and dying workshops. At one of these events, there were about 100 people. All of them had a close connection to loss. Some were hospice caregivers, some were families of terminally ill patients, some were patients near death and some had recently lost a loved one.

The retreat lasted ten days and most of it was held in silence. On the seventh day, the instructor informed me that he wanted to work with some people individually. Knowing my interest in humor and healing, he asked me to take the group over and do a session on that subject. Because of the gravity of the circumstances facing nearly everyone in the group, I was a bit apprehensive to discuss humor. But I did.

Before I tell you exactly how the group responded, you need to know that all meals were strictly vegetarian. Harold was the cook. It was obvious from his rotund size that he really enjoyed food. He had been the cook at the center for many years and was good at what he did.

But this was the first time that Harold had to adhere to a strict vegetarian menu. Knowing that he had little experience with this kind of cooking, we tried to clue him in on how to prepare well-balanced healthy vegetarian meals. But he didn't get it. Many of his meals consisted solely of pasta, potatoes and rice. Vegetarian, yes. Healthy, no.

The evening I was to present my discussion of humor and healing, I decided that I would give the group a multiple-choice exam. The first question I asked them was, "My favorite meal on this retreat thus far was:

A -- Pasta and potatoes,

B -- Rice and pasta,

C -- Potatoes and rice.

My opening question brought down the house. The audience laughed loud and long. When the laughter died down, I asked the second multiple-choice question,, "Harold’s favorite food was:

A -- Rice

B -- Pasta

C -- Potatoes.

Again the audience went wild.

By the time I got to the third question, "Your favorite retreat cook is...", all I had to do was say "A" - without even revealing what the first choice was - and the audience went into hysterical laughter. It was the most boisterous and receptive audience I had ever had. Later on, I realized why.

I was providing a release for them. After many days in silence and intense soul-searching, the laughter provided much needed relief and a release of built up tension. I also realized that the laughter that night was as important as the tears they had been crying all week.

www.allenklein.com

Why I Write Books

2011-08-15T22:06:00.000-07:00

I just read an unsolicited review on Amazon of my first book, The Healing Power of Humor, that brought tears to my eyes. It was written by a woman who had been in prison. Below is an excerpt.

Helped Me Behind Prison Razor Wire

"Prison is a harsh, lonely landscape, designed to squash hope. There is very little laughter inside the wires. While I was in prison, I was desperately lonely and depressed. I was battling advanced breast cancer and my young roommate had died from undiagnosed leukemia. When I received Allen Klein's book, I felt as if someone had thrown me a lifeline of hope. I underlined and starred and laughed. I read it over and over. This is not a dated joke book. For someone hurting, it is priceless. Wherever you are, inside prison walls or outside in the free world, grief and loss are agony and this little book will serve you well."
"In Arizona, inmates are only allowed to keep 10 books and 5 magazines so you can imagine a book has to be very special to hold on to it.... Through it all, I've held on to Allen's book. It still gives me pleasure and inspires me. Thanks, Allen. I wish there were copies in every prison in America."

The book was written over 20 years ago and it is still making a difference. I'm touched, honored, and grateful.

AIDS Ain't Funny, or Is It?

2011-08-07T17:26:00.000-07:00

It simply makes sense to try to mobilize whatever immune-enhancing effects might flow from marshaling the mind. After all, even if your T-cells don't increase, how can having a cheerful, frisky, life-affirming attitude possibly hurt?.... I highly recommend daily doses of laughter.

—Michael Callen,

author of Surviving AIDS

While many AIDS patients, and those who are HIV-positive, suffer the anguish of dealing with life-challenging issues, others find this to be grist for the humor mill. Things that cause problems in the first place suddenly become laughing matter. What follows are examples of how some people used humor to triumph over tragedy.

From Howard Shapiro's “Kvetch Kronicles” (in The Body Positive newsletter):

"Meals on wheels delivered four frozen chicken dinners to my apartment and had the nerve to try and take them back a half an hour later after they realized they had the wrong sick person. The embarrassing thing is that I had already sold the meals to some old ladies in the laundry room at $10.00 a pop.

"Broadway star and professional coffee drinker Carol Lawrence personally called me and applauded my comic talents and dubbed me—“an AIDS humorist.” I told her living with AIDS couldn’t be as bad as living with Robert Goulet!"

From Paul Serchia's “Thinking Positive” column (in Positive Living newsletter) comes a list of humorous things people who don’t have AIDS might say to those who do:

“Let’s take your car. You have the handicapped permit.”

“You look different somehow. Is that lesion new?”

“I brought Schindler’s List, Philadelphia and Longtime Companion. I thought watching movies would cheer you up.”

A common technique comedians use to get a laugh is exaggeration. Take any situation, exaggerate it until it becomes absurd, and you too will probably see some humor in it. The example below, found on an HIV/AIDS chat-line, shows how one person effectively used this technique:

When other people go shopping, they gossip about PTA information and compare the latest baseball scores. When us “hometown’ gays” go to the supermarket and meet in the aisles or the parking lot, we gossip about symptoms/meds information and compare the latest CD4 scores.

Antigens and antipasto. Chicken and liver function. Melons and melanomas. Bactrim and NutriSlim. Videx and Windex. TB and TV Guide. Tetracycline and Mr. Clean. Shingles and Pringles.

Someone suggested switching to another supermarket, where you can pick up your meds and groceries in one stop. I can just see someone at the checkout counter: “Meow Mix—$1.45, AZT—$145, cranberry juice—$1.37, Videx—$137. Total due—$461.78. Have a nice day!”

And finally, one person told me about an incident that happened to a good friend of hers. After his lover died of AIDS, he got a renewal notice in the mail for a magazine to which his partner had subscribed. On the outside in big red letters it read, “You're About to Expire.” He sent it back with his own message on the front: “You're Too Late!”

'Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying' offers sound advice | Leslie Katz | Entertainment | San Francisco Examiner

2011-08-04T08:54:00.000-07:00

'Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying' offers sound advice | Leslie Katz | Entertainment | San Francisco Examiner

No Longer a Writer, I'm Now an Eraser

2011-07-13T13:28:00.000-07:00

While writing my first book, The Healing Power of Humor, I purchased a new

computer program. One morning, after typing for two hours, I accidentally pressed the

wrong combination of keys. Instantly everything I had written was erased.

Just then the phone rang. It was a friend inquiring about how my writing was going.

“Not so great,” I said.

“What’s wrong?,” she inquired.

“I’m no longer a writer.”

“No longer a writer?,” she questioned.

“No,” I replied. “I’m now an eraser!”

In spite of my trying to make light of the situation it was painful losing some good writing but perhaps not as painful as being rejected by eleven publishers when I was trying to get my book published.

And certainly not as painful as having to rewrite most of the book after my first editor left the company and I was assigned another editor who had a different “vision” of the book.

Or the mental anguish I went through when I was told that the title had to be changed in spite of my first editor admonishing me to “never change” what she called a best-selling title— Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying.

So how did I have the motivation to continue writing when being bombarded with so many setbacks from so many directions?

I was able to do it because I knew that my words would make a difference in the lives of those who read my book. I knew that the story of my how my wife used humor to deal with her terminal illness would help others deal with their loss. I also knew that if I could write just one page a day, no matter how many setbacks or rewrites I encountered, eventually the book would be done.

And it was.

And it is making a difference. The Healing Power of Humor is now in nine languages and a thirty-sixth printing in this country. The feedback I get from those who have read it is heartwarming. One of my favorite pieces of fan mail, for example, came from a woman who wrote:

         Dear Mr. Klein,
         I want to tell you about an incident that happened to me after reading your book. I had to take a trip I did not want to take. I was grumpy about it and became more upset, as the days got closer to my leaving. So, as you suggest in your book, I decided that I would turn my negativity around.
          I went to my local thrift shop and got the baggiest brightest pair of pants I could find, some red suspenders and a big polka-dotted shirt. Then I bought an inexpensive multi-colored wig and a red clown nose.

The day of the trip that I was regretting turned into one of the best days of my life.

When I got to the airport in my clown outfit, some kids came over and asked for my

autograph. One man was convinced that he had seen me recently in the Ringling Brothers

circus. But best of all, when they announced the boarding of my flight, they said, “We are

going to begin pre-boarding only. Those needing a little extra time, families with children

and clowns may go first.”

www.amazon.com/Healing-Power-Humor-Allen-Klein/dp/0874775191/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1310587966&sr=8-1

Happy Mirthday: The Birthday Phenomenon

2011-06-28T09:11:00.000-07:00

For the past three years I’ve either been out of state presenting one of my humor programs or attending a conference on my birthday. I was not pleased having to spend this special day in an unfamiliar city with a group of strangers who had no inkling that it was my special day. So this year I decided to change all that. Before I left town, I scheduled an alternative date to celebrate my birthday with my family and was determined to created an outrageously fun birthday for myself in spite of the situation.

First thing I did was to let everyone in the conference session I was attending know that it was my birthday. Then I told them that I wanted a hug from each of them. I not only got hugs throughout the day but throughout the conference as well.

Later on in the day, in a crowded elevator, I announced my birthday and asked twelve total strangers to sing “Happy Birthday ” as I exited. What a wonderfully funny sight seeing and elevator filled with adults singing to Happy Birthday as the doors closed.

Next, I headed to buy myself some flowers. After I selected a stem of lilies, I asked the florist if she had a Birthday card to include with my selection. She handed me one and then noticing how much time and care I was taking in writing the card asked, “Oh, are you buying these for someone special.” “Yes,” I said. “Me.” She looked puzzled and then laughed as I wrote, “To Allen. Happy Birthday. I love you.” And then I signed my name.

What I noticed throughout the day was that everyone I told that it was my birthday, from the hassled hotel desk clerk who gave me a bud vase for my flowers to the convenience store clerk who looked like she hadn’t smiled for years, not only willingly participated in my off-beat requests but, without an exception, immediately smiled, became friendly and a most willing participant to help me celebrate in my special day.

Then it struck me-- I had just discovered “The Birthday Phenomenon.” Tell someone it’s your Birthday, whether it is or not, and suddenly they cheer up.

So, the next time you are down when out of town (or even in town for that matter) tell someone it’s your Birthday (even if it isn’t)-- and you'll create a Happy Mirthday.

Pennies from Heaven

2011-06-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid one of my greatest joys was to find a penny on the street. Now that I am social security age, a penny doesn't buy what it used to, but finding one on the street still makes me happy.

I wonder why people don’t pick pennies up these days. Has the value of a penny become so deflated that it is more trouble to bend down to retrieve them than they are worth?

Maybe the pleasure that I get from what others ignore stems from my father telling me that found money was lucky when saved, unlucky when spent. My father would stash away every bit of currency he found in a small antique clock. The money was frequently counted but never spent because it was good luck.

Indeed, the pennies I find on the street are good luck. For they not only remind me of the joyful memories from days past, when a penny bought a handful of sunflower seeds from the machine outside the candy store, but perhaps more importantly, they are little lessons which teach me to be thankful for the abundance in my life, no matter how small.

A couple of years ago, someone e-mailed me a story about found pennies. I wish I knew who wrote it because it expresses what I feel. It read:

I found a penny today. Just lying on the ground.

But it's not just a penny, this little coin I've found.

Found pennies come from heaven, that's what my Grandpa told me.

He said that when an Angel misses you, they toss a penny down.

Sometimes just to cheer you up, to make a smile out of your frown.

So, don't pass by that penny, when you're feeling blue.

It may be a penny from heaven, that an Angel tossed to you.

Today's Upsets Are Tomorrow's Laughs

2011-06-01T21:07:00.000-07:00

In looking for humor, keep in mind this guideline: Sometimes it takes a little time to see the humor in your upsets; you may not find something to laugh about immediately.

H. G. Wells once said, "The crisis of today is the joke of tomorrow." Some of our most trying moments turn into laughing matter when we look back at them. Things that seemed unbearable at one time often turn out, in hindsight, to somehow have humor in them after all.

Erma Bombeck, the First Lady of household comedy, admits that it often takes a second glance at our problems before we see the humor in them. "I can't tell you how many times I've slammed the doors and thrown myself on the bed," she relates, "and I'm calling convents at two in the morning and saying, 'Take me, please.' It's only in retrospect that it has any humor whatsoever."

Bombeck elaborates on this in an interview in USA Today. "When I had a cold it was absolutely tragic. I knew I was going to the big utility room in the sky. I got so sick of seeing this woman on television saying, 'Don't hate me for being beautiful.' You feel so ugly when you have a cold—your nose is running, your hair won't curl. But today it seems ridiculous. You need that time span to get a perspective."

Sometimes it takes ten seconds to see some humor in your dilemmas, sometimes ten years. The gap between your upset and the period when humor becomes obvious varies greatly, but you can shorten the gap. The next time you find yourself in a troublesome situation, stop for a moment and ask yourself what will it look like in a month, in six months, in a year, or when you are eighty-five. If you can remember to say "Some day I might laugh at this," you will be closer to doing so.

(Excerpted from The Healing Power of Humor, Tarcher/Putnam, Inc., 1989, by Allen Klein)

21 Grams

2011-05-28T17:49:00.000-07:00

I know you’re there
Although it’s nothing I can prove
I know you’re there
From just the way the shadows move
And though I said goodbye and fin’ly let you go
I know you’re there
Although I don’t know how I know.
–Alix Korey, American composer

In 1907, researcher Duncan MacDougall found that 21 grams of body weight were lost immediately after a person died. He attributed the weight loss as a result of the soul leaving the body. The tests were never replicated and the results were widely dismissed by the scientific community. Still, it does bring up the question of what, if anything, remains when we die.

We may never be able to prove that the soul or spirit exists or whether it leaves the body upon death. But what we can be certain of is a lingering memory of those who have gone before us. And that, if nothing else, is the true soul or spirit of a living being.

It is that spirit of the deceased that we carry around with us in our thoughts. It is those memories that keep that person’s essence alive. And, when we think or speak of that person, though the body may not be around anymore, that person’s spirit continues forever.

(Excerpt from Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying: Embracing Life After Loss
Goodman Beck Publishing)

http://www.amazon.com/Learning-Laugh-When-Feel-Crying/dp/0979875587/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1306627205&sr=1-1

Secrets Kids Know

2011-05-04T20:57:00.000-07:00



"By learning to act more like a child, human beings can revolutionize their lives and become for the first time, perhaps, the kinds of creatures their heritage has prepared them to be—youthful all the days of their lives." —Ashley Montagu
Waiting for my plane one morning, I was not aware of any children nearby, only adults reading their newspapers, chatting with others or gazing into space. Suddenly there was an announcement over the loudspeaker that the flight had been canceled. Disgruntled, the passengers made their way to the counter to be re-ticketed. Two children, perhaps six and seven-years-old caught my eye. They were the only ones not complaining. They were the only ones who seemed to be having a good time in spite of the situation. Sitting on the floor, they reached into a small carry-on bag, pulled out a handful of plastic Mutant Ninja Turtles, and proceeded to enjoy themselves. When they tired of this, they traced the lines of the carpet with their feet. They repeatedly counted the number of colors in each section of the rug. And they made up a game by hopping from one pattern to another. Kids can amuse themselves with almost anything. I remember my mother telling me that when I was very young, we would sometimes visit a distant aunt. I would immediately go into the kitchen, take out all the pots and pans from the cabinet and proceed to play with them for hours. To a child, often the box a toy came in is more appealing than the toy itself. "My one-year-old is never happier," says Susan Lewis, "than when he is unraveling an audio tape, wearing underwear on his head or making music by clinking a crystal ornament against the glass coffee table. Even my older children don't need toys—they are quite content reprogramming my computer, taking apart the lens of my camera or face-painting with the makeup in my bathroom." Lewis amusingly notes that maybe it's really the adults who need the toys to keep the kids away from their possessions. Kids even find joy in things that annoy adults. For Rich Fullerton, who was trying to do some quiet work at home, one of those things was an incredibly noisy garbage truck. Every few houses it stopped to grind and crush the trash. Each time it would break Fullerton's concentration as he struggled to continue working. Finally, he walked to the window hoping, he says, "to speed the truck’s passing with an annoyed glare." But, instead, what he got was a big lesson from a small child. "In the front yard," Fullerton says, "my five-year-old son was thrilled. I watched him climb on top of a fire hydrant near the street. From there, he had the best possible view inside the back of the huge truck where giant mechanical teeth chewed up the garbage. The noise just made it more fascinating to him." Fullerton concludes, "It’s a marvelous thing that five-year-olds can enjoy life by just watching garbage trucks. . . ." The lesson adults can learn here is that the world is filled with things for our enjoyment. The trick is to open our eyes and look for them. "On the whole...kids are pretty lucky," writes Michael Burkett, author of The Dad Zone. "They can find a penny on the sidewalk and feel rich. They can find a fossil-shaped rock and feel like Indiana Jones. They can find an anthill and feel like God.” Kids find enjoyment in the simplest of things. You can too. Children remind us to treasure the smallest of gifts, even in the most difficult of times. Erma Bombeck found this out when she was doing research for her book about kids with cancer, I Want to Grow Hair, I Want to Grow Up, I Want to Go to Boise. Dealing with cancer herself, Bombeck remembers one eight-year-old diagnosed with cancer of the nervous system. When asked what she wanted for her birthday, Christina answered after much thought, "I don't know. I have two sticker books and a Cabbage Patch doll. I have every-thing!" No matter what has happened, you too have the power to enjoy yourself. One woman told me how her young son helped her do this and to relish life again after her husband was killed in an accident. Thinking his mother could not see him, the ten-month-old child hid, stark naked, behind an open-meshed chain link fence. At that moment, it became clear to her that she could not raise her son with solemnity. She says, "I resolved that I was going to find things to enjoy in life. The playful child was a turning point for me to realize that no matter what we have lost or gone through we can still find joy." The toddler also helped her turn tears to laughter. When she would be crying he would go into the bathroom and repeatedly return with tiny postage-sized pieces of toilet paper to dry one tear at a time.

Humor Support System

2011-04-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

Medically, everyone’s funny bone is in the same place—the part of the elbow over which the ulnar nerve passes. Knock it and you may experience a tingling sensation running up your arm.

Non-medically, everyone’s funny bone is in a different place. What people laugh at can cover a wide variety of styles and preferences. Some people, for example, like slapstick such as seen in the Marx brothers’ comedy routines. Others like put-down humor as exemplified in Don Rickles’ stand-up performances. Still others prefer something like Gallagher's prop-based comedy, or, Woody Allen’s intellectual humor.

The important thing is not to compare what you find funny with what someone else finds funny. Instead, nurture what, and who, makes you laugh.

So one of your assignments this week is to determine which comedian, cartoonist, or stand-up comic makes you laugh. Then rent and view one of their DVDs, or, in the case of a cartoonist, post some of their cartoons around your home or office.

The other part of your task is to identify your personal humor support system. Which friends, acquaintances, colleagues, loved-ones, or relatives help lighten you up when things get you down?

Recently, I read that surrounding yourself with other happy people can hike your odds of being more cheerful by nine-percent. Happiness, like laughter is contagious. It is much easier to laugh when someone else is also laughing than it is to laugh when you are by yourself. Why do you think they have laugh tracks on television comedy shows? You hear other people laughing and it encourages you to laugh too.

If you want to lighten up and laugh more, you too need a “laugh-track” support system or a “humor buddy.”

One of my humor buddies is my daughter Sarah who is now forty-three-years-old. We have always been, and still are, very playful with each other and laugh a lot together. We could, for example, walk down the street and use the parking meter as a microphone, or, make up a gibberish foreign language and speak it to each other on a crowded downtown street.

Even though I teach humor workshops, Sarah has been a great teacher for me in learning how to lighten up. When I was writing my first book, The Healing Power of Humor, I would close my office door and use earplugs to avoid being disturbed. At the time, my daughter was in her early teens. She would often knock on the door and enter before I could respond. Usually she wanted to talk about something that could have easily waited until I took a break.

After she had interrupted me several times one morning, I put a big sign on the door that read: “Do Not Disturb Unless It’s an Emergency.”

No sooner than I posted the sign outside the door, there was another knock. This time I was really annoyed and shouted in disgust, “Is this an emergency?”

“Yes,” she replied emphatically.

“O.K.,” I angrily shouted back without opening the door. “What do you want?”

She said, “I forgot to tell you I love you.”

Tears welled up in my eyes as I realized that I was taking my writing and myself too seriously. What irony! Here I was writing a book about humor and I had lost mine.

This week, you might want to find people in your humor support system who will help you take what you do seriously but yourself lightly.

…and remember what writer and aviator Antoine de Saint Exupéry said:

He who would travel happily must travel light.

Caregiver Humor

2011-04-04T08:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a laugh is the only weapon we have.

—Roger Rabbit

Several years ago my father-in-law was very ill. One time, when he came home from the hospital, it was his and my mother-in-law’s wedding anniversary. I suggested that they invite a few friends over for dinner and I would do the cooking.

Jimmy managed to get out of bed to join us. He enjoyed the meal but the strain of feeding himself and the conversation among the guests were obviously tiring him. Noticing this, and knowing that he could not hear very well, my mother-in-law wrote a note and passed it to me to give to him. I read the note and got hysterical with laughter. She remembered what she wrote and laughed out loud too.

The note said, “Happy Anniversary dear. Do you want to go to bed?”

Jimmy read what his wife had written, looked up across the table, and with a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face said to her, “I would love to dear, but we have company.”

Looking back, I realized that it was only a brief moment of levity in his difficult last months but it was moment that was retold at his memorial service and long remembered after he was gone.

Looking for humor in the not-so-funny world of serious illness may, at first glance and to outsiders, seem disrespectful to those who are suffering. However, situational humor, which inevitably arises during such stressful times, is very appropriate. Because of humor’s ability to provide a new perspective to any situation, it is an important coping tool for everyone involved, including the patient, the family, and the caregiver. A good laugh, for example, shared between the home care worker and the patient, or their loved one, can momentarily transcend stressful times and join the two together.

Laughter is a powerful tool in dealing with powerless situations. It can give both hope and an upper hand to patients, who are experiencing both physical and mental loss, as well as to caregivers, who cannot change that loss.

The safest way for a health care worker to find that laughter is to first establish a rapport with the patient. Then look for humor by listening to what the patient jokes about. (One warning here, however—sometimes patients joke about what concerns them the most. Caregivers need to listen carefully and then tread lightly.)

Above all, do not go into a patient’s room with a battery of jokes. First, jokes can be offensive, and second, when you first enter a patient’s room, you have no knowledge whether they will be receptive to your kidding around. Keep in mind that humor is a wonderful bonding tool but it can also backfire and create alienation.

Finding Something to Laugh About

I believe that, as long as we are not in a state of shock, there is always something to laugh about. What happens in what we label as a “serious situation,” however, is that we turn off our humor antenna. The humor is there but we don't see it. And even if we do find the humor, we often label it as inappropriate. Yes, laughing at someone else's troubles is inappropriate. But sharing a laugh about some aspect of that trouble is not. So how do we determine what is appropriate and what is not?

Humor is appropriate if it comes from an open heart. I've always believed that is true but I heard another term recently, which can also guide us toward appropriate humor. One minister said, “if you use humor with a sensitive spirit then it will turn out okay.”

Using humor to poke fun at life-challenging illness is in bad taste if it puts down someone who is suffering. But appropriate humor, that which naturally comes out of adversity, is not.

Appropriate humor can help people cope. It empowers them. It is defiant, triumphant and life-affirming. It provides perspective and balance. And it diverts attention, provides comic relief, and liberates patients, families and caregivers from their loss.

Humor can provide enormous benefits in tumultuous times. The problem is how to find it . Some suggestions follow:

• Give people permission to laugh—

“A lot of times, I'll ask a patient, 'Well, tell me, do you laugh?' Most of the time I get the answer, 'No way. I've got cancer, I don't laugh.'” So Lynn Erdman, RN, Director of Presbyterian Hospital's Cancer Center in Charlotte, North Carolina, then asks the patient, “Well, did you used to laugh?” Often the answer she gets this time is, “Oh, yes.” Erdman then pops the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question. “Do you want it to stay the way it is now or do you want it the way it used to be?” Ninety-five percent of the time, patients want more laughter in their life.

What Erdman does, in a very simple and effective manner, is give both the patient and the family, who may feel guilty or uneasy about laughing when their loved one is dying, permission to laugh together again.

One of Erdman's favorite humorous hospital-related stories concerned a woman who was dying “a slow but not painful death.” The woman's daughters were vigilantly sitting by the patient's bed day and night. They were waiting for “Mom” to die. After several days, one of the sister's poked the other one and said, “How much longer do you think this is going to take?” At that point Mom opened her eyes, looked at the foot of the bed, where her two daughters were seated, and proclaimed, “A watched pot never boils.”

The death-watch environment immediately changed as the woman and her two daughters had a good belly laugh. Mom died twenty minutes later.

• Know the person—

When my friend's sister had nose cancer, I sent her get-well wishes along with a red clown nose to cover her own damaged one. My friend was upset. He thought I should not have done that. I, on the other hand, knew his sister and knew she would probably like it. I knew she had a leaning toward the outrageous because several times she really appreciated the funny and sometimes off-the-wall children's books I gave her in the past.

Nonetheless, because of my friend's comment, I thought that maybe I had indeed offended her. So I called to apologize. She was surprised at my call because she had been delighted to receive the gift and the laughter it produced.

Several health care workers I spoke with talked of the importance of establishing a sense of trust before humorous encounters could begin. They stressed the importance of being aware of a patient’s feelings and listening carefully to what a patient is saying. Humor can help, they noted, as long as the patient knows that they are being heard. Humor used to negate the patient’s wishes can be detrimental.

• Look for the ludicrous—

Harry Kondoleon, author of Diary of a Lost Boy, a funny novel about a dying young gay man and his straight friends, once said, “Dying, you see some things as quite beautiful and others as ludicrous.” It’s the ludicrous part, as Kondoleon points out, that makes moments in the dying process laughable.

For example, in a letter to Ladies Home Journal, cancer patient Carol Willis wrote about the bittersweet but inane advantages of dying:

I must be truthful and say there are a few advantages in living only half a

lifetime. Besides the end of good, death also means the end of tribulations,

no more holding in the stomach, no more P. T. A., no more putting up the

hair in pincurls, no more cub scouts, no more growing old.

And, in Reader's Digest, one person wrote about an absurd incident that happened the day after a friend's mother had died: “The local library called to say that the book her mother had requested was now available. When my friend explained that her mother had died the previous day, the librarian said, ‘Oh, would you like me to hold the book for three more days?'”

• Can't laugh? Try smiling—

When I was a hospice volunteer and a home health care aide assigned to a new patient, I would sit in my car for five minutes before I entered their home. There, I would do a smiling meditation. I would sit silently and center myself by focusing on smiling. I had read the patient's chart and knew a lot about the person I was going to visit but I never really knew what it would be like when I'd enter their home. So I did whatever I could to bring whatever lightness I could into the situation.

A smile is a way of connecting non-verbally with a person. As someone once

remarked, “A smile is a light on your face to let someone know that you are at home.”

So You Think You're Having a Bad Day?

2011-03-29T19:26:00.000-07:00

     You know your having a bad day when...
               1- You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize you don't
               have a waterbed.
               2- A fortune teller offers to refund your money.
               3- Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
                                                                                          —Anonymous

One way to get a perspective when your day isn't going so well is to realize that your circumstances may not be so bad after all when compared to someone else's. In fact, sometimes, in comparison, your day will look pretty darned good.

Take, for example, what you do for a living and what other poor souls do. Some of the worst jobs, as ranked by Popular Science magazine, include:

—a whale-feces researcher: O.K. How do they even collect this stuff?

—Olympic drug tester: testing urine samples thousands of times can't be much fun for anyone, even if it is a specimen from a gold medal winner.

—a gravity research subject: while it may be nice to stay in bed for a period of time, doing so until your muscles atrophy is another can't-be-much-fun job.

— preserved-animal preparer: bottles such things as frogs, cats, and pigs for biology students. Ninety-nine bottles of frogs on the shelf, ninety-nine bottles of frogs....

— garbologist: I never knew there was such a thing but considering that I call myself a "jollytologist", I guess there is an "oloigst" for everything. This one sifts through garbage in order to discover how waste breaks down and to analyze consumption patterns. Sorry folks, I'd rather be a jollytologist.

—hazardous-materials diver: if you like swimming in sewage, this may be the job for you. Me? I'd rather swim with the sharks.

And, finally, if all the above jobs don't make your job look a little better, the next time you are
complaining about things like traffic jams, copier jams, or being in a jam, remember the penguin.The male penguin, as seen in the movie, The March of the Penguins, stands all winter huddled together in below freezing temperature and blizzard conditions.

Now, don't you feel a lot better not having to do that?

Love's A Funny Thing

2011-03-26T09:43:00.000-07:00

"Avoid humorless people-and do not marry one, for God's sake."
- Garrison Keillor

Most people, I am guessing, think of love as serious. Yet, when women were asked what they wanted in a potential mate, one of the most important things was that the man had to have a good sense of humor.

Maybe it is because women intuitively know that couples who can laugh together can weather the trials and tribulations that life inevitably brings.

I know one couple, for example, who hide red sponge-rubber clown noses around the house. When an argument breaks out, one of them dons the nose and, like a red-light at an intersection, the potential fight is stopped in its tracks.

A friend of mine, who is a therapist, also told me how she uses another fun prop with some couples in conflict. Recently, a woman complained about how insensitive her husband was. For nearly an entire session she harped on his saying there was lint in her belly-button when they were making love the previous night. To help the woman let go and lighten up about this incident, the therapist asked both of them to don Groucho glasses and resume their lint-filled conversation. As soon as the giggling started, the complaining stopped.

And finally, a colleague of mine, sent me an amusing story, which illustrates how a little humor can make a big point.

Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day, out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it." So she drove the boat to shore and safely docked it.

Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash the dishes."

Grief Relief: Looking for Laughter in Loss

2011-03-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a laugh is the only weapon we have.

—Roger Rabbit

While I was writing my book, The Courage to Laugh: Humor, Hope and Healing in the Face of Death and Dying, my dad died. New Year's Eve 1996, he was taken to the hospital. Nine days later, just hours after my mom called to tell me that he was looking better, my dad was no longer alive. After a frantic phone call to book a flight and only two hours of sleep, I got on a plane that took me from my California home to my mom's condo in Florida and to the funeral.

I managed to hold back my tears until I was on the plane. There, however, amidst business men using telephones and the click of laptops, I sat sobbing.

So here I was, I thought, writing about humor and death while my dad died. The universe was testing me to see if I could find anything funny in the situation—and I was failing. I found nothing to laugh about as the shock of his death washed over me. Nothing funny that is, until the flight attendant shoved a cup of hot liquid under my nose and demanded, “Here. Drink this. I guarantee it will help.”

“What is it?,” I asked.

“Coffee and Bailey's Irish Creme,” he said.

That's when my tears mingled with laughter. First of all, it was seven o'clock in the morning—not exactly cocktail hour. Second, I laughed because I never drink coffee and, since I am lactose intolerant, I avoid dairy products—especially cream.

I refused the attendant’s grief-relief remedy but there was something special about it anyway. The comic irony of it all made me laugh—not a laugh big enough to completely stop the tears but an inner laugh that felt comfortable and whispered that everything would be all right.

Then I had another cosmic chuckle. I realized that I was just handed the opening words for my book.

During the next few days, I cried a lot. I was feeling alone and very vulnerable. My mother kept saying not to cry but I allowed my tears to flow. I also noticed that in spite of the sadness of the situation, amusing incidents happened anyway. These drew me away from my tears and produced everything from a smile to a hearty guffaw.

One of the funniest incidents came as we were having a telephone conversation with the rabbi. In the Jewish religion, it is customary for the immediate family to sit Shivah for seven days after the funeral. Friends, relatives and neighbors stop by to pay their condolences during this time. While informing the rabbi that my brother would be completing his Shivah in Connecticut, where he lives, my mom had a slip of the tongue. Instead of saying "Sitting Shivah", she blurted out, "Shitting Sivah.”

My brother and I immediately convulsed with laughter. My mom, realizing what she had said, shoved the phone in my hand. She was laughing too hard to speak.

For the next few days, as I was going through this roller coaster ride of tears and laughter, I learned several things about humor and grief.

I learned that it may take some time to find laughter after a loss. I learned too that it may not always be the fall-down-hold-your-belly kind of laughter that we had experienced when my mom got tongue-tied. Sometimes it’s only an inner chuckle. But whatever kind it is, it is there. It is there to provide a momentary respite from our grief. It is there to show us that indeed life goes on in spite of our loss. It is there to give us hope.

If you have lost someone dear to you recently, I will not tell you to read this book because, as the flight attendant told me, “I guarantee it will help.” No one can guarantee an instant grief remedy; I don't think there is one. What I can say from my own experience, however, is that humor might help. Maybe it will give you hope to continue and a much needed respite from your tears.

When a family is sitting Shivah, it is customary for condolence callers to bring food into the home so that the bereaved do not have to cook or prepare meals. While there, remembrances of the deceased are frequently discussed. Often it encompasses some lighthearted moments in the deceased's life. Like the food that the condolence callers bring to provide nourishment for the body, I believe that the things they laugh about provide nourishment for the soul.

Zen Humor: From Ha-Ha to Ah-Ha

2011-03-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

"When one had understanding, one should laugh; One should not weep. "

-- Hsüeh-T'ou

"Laughter," wrote one author, "is breaking through the intellectual barrier; at the moment of laughing something is understood."

Zen humor does exactly that. Whether it be a Zen koan, one of those questions which the rational mind cannot solve, or, a captivating Zen story, when we laugh at these, we go from a chuckle"ha-ha" to comprehension"ah-ha!"

In the following Zen story, for example, we are reminded with a bit of humor that there is a time for everything, including death:

Ikkyu, the Zen master, was very clever even as a boy. His teacher had a precious teacup, a rare antique. Ikkyu happened to break this cup and was greatly perplexed. Hearing the footsteps of his teacher, he held the pieces of the cup behind him. When the master appeared, Ikkyu asked, "Why do people have to die?"

"This is natural," explained the older man. "Everything has to die and has just so long to live."

Ikkyu, producing the shattered cup, added, "It was time for your cup to die."

Zen teaches that once we can open up to the inevitability of our demise, we can begin to transform that situation and lighten up about it. The classic parable below, for example, teaches that even in the midst of death we can find sweet things about life:

There was once a man who was crossing a field and met a tiger. Running, he came to a great cliff and caught hold of a root and swung over the edge of the cliff. But at the bottom of the cliff was another tiger.

Soon two little mice came along and began to gnaw on the vine. The man looked in terror at the tiger below. But then he saw a strawberry vine. He picked the strawberry and ate it. "Ah, how delicious it is," he said to himself.

Finally, another Zen Master, named Sengai, reminds us to live fully in spite of knowing that someday we will no longer be here:

There are things that even the wise fail to do,
While the fool hits the point.
Unexpectedly discovering the way to life in the midst of death,
He burst out in hearty laughter.

Living, Losing, and Laughing

Mid-Month Mirth Memo- February 2012

Every Day Can Be Valentine’s Day

Because Sometimes Funeral Planning Is Funny...

If you fuck like you park,you’ll never get it in.

Then we got to the funeral parlor…

Mid-Month Mirth Memo: January 2012

Be Kind

Mid-Month Mirth Memo December 2011

Using Humor At a Memorial Service

Never Leave Home Without It...Your Sense of Humor, That Is

Mid-Month Mirth Memo

NOVEMBER 2011

Mid-Month Mirth Memo: October,2011

OCTOBER 2011

You Can't Ruin My Day: Just Say "Yes"

YOU CAN'T RUIN MY DAY: Getting to Know You

Mid-Month Mirth Memo: September 2011

New Reseach: Laughter is Good for the Heart

Learning to Laugh in the Face of Adversity

Laughter and Tears

Why I Write Books

AIDS Ain't Funny, or Is It?

'Learning to Laugh When You Feel Like Crying' offers sound advice | Leslie Katz | Entertainment | San Francisco Examiner

No Longer a Writer, I'm Now an Eraser

Happy Mirthday: The Birthday Phenomenon

Pennies from Heaven

Today's Upsets Are Tomorrow's Laughs

21 Grams

Secrets Kids Know

Humor Support System

Caregiver Humor

So You Think You're Having a Bad Day?

Love's A Funny Thing

Grief Relief: Looking for Laughter in Loss

Zen Humor: From Ha-Ha to Ah-Ha

If you fuck like you park,
you’ll never get it in.